Like Matchsticks in an Ashtray

We will never be what you want the world to be.

2012-01-19T07:31:00.001-08:00

Writing in a notebook. Looking for a job and doing badly at work. I don't know where to go. Never ever dreamt of what true love can say.

Honestly

2011-04-24T10:47:00.000-07:00

Woke up in the middle of a dream where I was talking to someone who was sitting in a chair and taking notes. Face cannot be seen, Just a silhouette of a smoking man taking notes. Woke up in a fever sweat, hours ago having the cold shivers and yesterday having some really back breaking shakes. I told myself to go back to sleep but I gotta cough out this tar in my lungs. Not really tar, I just, well, The faint words in my head went like, Too old to make a difference, too young to even see it. That doesn't make sense. It really doesn't. This fever almost killed me. Yeah an exaggeration but really, what script of a movie hasn't been stretched for comedys sake. Shoot, That wasn't even a funny joke. Anthony Bourdain gets to travel the world, seeking the best food and trying them, seeing such beautiful places, because he wrote a good book. A Cooks Tour in japan is playing right now but it's on mute. I miss Japan. I've seen this episode a lot of times just because I miss Japan. Even though my version of that land is one where it's a mix of western and eastern culture. 8 A.M. to 5 P.M., Sometimes to 6, We would be in an american school with a touch of Japanese culture class. We'd hang out at the Base Exchange after class sometimes, Maybe the laundromat next to this place called The Tiki, A long building that had a Baskin Robins, Anthonys Pizza, Franks Franks, Robin Hoods, and a few arcade cabinets. I was a picky eater back then when I was a child, Grade 1 to 4 and looking back, Well, I love pizza now, but back then when I would get served pizza I would take out the cheese and just have the sauce and bread. I love Mash now but before thought it was absolutely disgusting. McDomalds Chicken Nuggets, I could go for 20 pieces right about now, but before? I would just eat the skin. I was retarded back then and I guess I still am. Yeah I'm pretty dumb. I thought I was smart. I thought I had talent. I thought my words typed meant something to someone out there. But on the internet, Everyone is a writer. And most are just not good. All I do is whine about the state of things around me yet I do nothing. I sit in front of the PC screen, stuck on facebook hoping things will change. Nothing will change if you do nothing. I learned too late. I whine about something about me, being insecure and what not I guess. I expect the world to take me in for who I am. I was always told to be myself. What if what I am is just not what the world wants? They say I shouldn't care about these things, being accepted and such, but it honestly gets lonely, having no one visit you, no one asking you to go out with them, asking for your presence. And here I go again, Whining. This is how I feel. But really, does anyone want to know that? Does anyone really want to read someone in their mid 20s go on and on about nothing that will change the world, about something so selfish as acceptance? Yeah Tunay Na Lalaki. They seem to have it easy, They don't really think about the evils of the world, just about getting laid and being cool with their friends, getting high and shit. Is this really an evil world I'm living in? Or am I just making it bad in my own eyes? I'm nowhere close to Libyas war or Africas starving children. First world problems. Okay I know we're in a third world country, But I am complaining about things on a computer, in an air-conditioned room, A bag of cheese roller coaster next to my speakers, but not eating it because I am sick but I'm getting because I took medicine. Do I really have a right to complain? Do we really have the time to read this. And for some reason a few weeks back I thought I was running out of time. I am not done with college, I am getting older and I need money to live. I don't want to be like the dudes in this town that drink every night with the allowance their mothers give them, because they have no jobs. How will I buy new video games with no income? Those guys must enjoy their life. No work yet they are still able to get drunk and have fun every night because someone has the cash to buy their habits. This guy I know is around 30 and thats how he lives. Not a care in the world because he has his friends and drinks with him every night, yet he lives with his mom who gives him what he wants. Whining again. I was once told that in order to be happy in this town I should just be content with what I have. But how is it even possible to do so in this place. They're either a walking contradiction, A party bum, a wanna be city slut, Parasite leeches, They have no hearts and no need to move out of this place because theyre getting enough rockstar blowjobs here, It gets tiring when I'm the only one who knows what a Broken Social Scene is, And it gets lonely when I'm the only one with this mindset and stories of travel. I tell people about the things I have been a part of when someone wants to listen, but I stop mid way when their face turns to disbelief. I only tell the truth and they asked. I wonder why they don't believe me when I tell them that I've been in a band that's had 2 gigs every month for a whole year, Most of the time without us being informed before hand. I wonder why they don't believe me when I tell them that I know this guy who is 45 years old and still an educated punk rock kind of person. Sometimes I think its because in this town, You are nothing if you are overweight. Maybe its my lack of pictures, of hard data proof to back up what I say. I'm pretty sure I haven't stretched anything just to impress. I wonder why they look at me like that. I wonder how anybody can be content with this town. I remember how she rested her head on my shoulder, watching the still ocean water with the port docked ships in view. I was worried that I'm out of time, but she told me that her dad finished college at around 45 or something, same as mine. Her family lives a sheltered happy life. I wonder how he did it. The only rush I am in right now is to get out of this town and not come back to the streets that have no love for a boy who only wants more. But what will happen to me. I think I've got the plan down. Work for the next 2 years, Take up a certain college course that I want to take in Manila at some university with a name. Hell, I might as well just try to get in right? There is this one person who set my life straight, not by pushing or prodding, but by having faith in me that I can be better than I am now. I just need to level up and unlock the necessary skillZ. My fear of being older was taken away. Oh but I am also illiterate yet constantly pushed to write in something I haven't updated in a year. I'd read more books if I was given a place to read and buy them. Paper is comforting, Soothing. That musty smell and the ink is something special. Do I tend to dwell too much on small things? Is that a bad habit? I think a lot of people view me as retarded and delusional. I make more masturbation jokes then what is deemed healthy I guess. I noticed something, I am a god damn saint in video games that give you moral choices. Like in Mass Effect 2, Star Wars Knights Of The Old Republic and the like. I laugh at the actions I can do, like running my lightsaber through the unsuspecting civilian, but I instead choose to help them cross the street. And I can't help it. The mission would be over quicker if I just shoot the captive criminal in the head instead of asking them who their leader is, But I just can't do it. I have a 50% paragon rating in Mass Effect 2 now, In Fallout 3 I didn't I disarmed the Nuke in Megaton and I tried to save everyone in the vault. But in real life, I don't give money to street children and I laugh when someone spills milk. I don't think I'm an uber asshole though. Probably more Chaotic Neutral. But in video games? Sheesh. I'm a runner up for the next pope. Only the lonesome love us. Only the careless can handle us. I'm not sad anymore. I'm just tired of this place. Not throwing stones at you anymore. Used to be one of the rotten ones and he liked you for that. Now you're all gone, Got your make up on and you're not coming back. This is an essay on someone who is just fucked up in their head. I guess. Or maybe this is just what honesty is really like.

Piano (Also, I'm sorry blogspot)

2010-04-25T01:17:00.000-07:00

*NOTE THIS WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON MY FACEBOOK ON NOV 18*

I want to talk about this one girl for a bit. Shes quite awesome you see. We were friends for awhile and thanks to facebook we started talking a bit again after a year of not talking to each other.

A week before I went to olongapo to start my new student life I bought a sun sim to keep in touch with my then-girlfriend and browsed friendster to check out profiles of people that lived at the area. You know, I didnt want to go to a new town with no one to hang out with or whatever and maybe get a little heads up of how the city life is like over there. This one particular girl who I barely knew at the time posted something up on the bulletin boards saying she has a new sim number. So I click her profile and well what do you know shes from olongapo. Allright cool, Commented on her profile and said something like "yo dawg im totally going to go ball busting at the citeh dawg ayt ayt shawty wheres the nearest starbucz?" or soemthing like that to which she kindly replied, Oh yeah sure we can text. So then we started texting for a bit and I saw this other girl on her list who was from olongapo and I started talking to her a bit too. Then I asked the awesome girl "So whos this hot chick over here dawg shes like so uber fine shawty" To which she kindly replied "Oh that hoebag? Avoid her she has herpes. Shes like the youngest slut ever and banged more guys then me". So I stopped talking to girl 2 because well, Herpes is bad (wasnt my plan to get laid anyway, More on that later). So me and awesome girl started talking and whatever and I moved to olongapo and didnt show up to her for my first 4 months there I think.

Met some people at the school and well, I asked them if they knew Michelle Clobes because well, Mitch looked scene and knows the band I was thinking, maybe these scene-y looking guys know her and , This is where I learned that the city is small, Yeah theyre friends with her bf and hes going to the school to hang out with them. Later. So I met the guy and, no offense Mitch, But first thing I noticed about him was He looked like a less buff miniature pacquiao. So what came to my mind was "god damn this shawty mitch, shes got a heart of gold bling ayt yo".

3 months later I finally grew the balls to go out there and meet Michelle. I mean, When I say "grew balls" I really do mean like, I woke up, found something weird in my pants and when I checked it while peeing it fucking glowed with a magnificent light you only see when you get the hookshot in the treasure chest from the Legend of Zelda games. It was awesome till I noticed it wouldnt stop glowing. I had no awesome shirt to wear and my hair was a mess since I bleached it blonde. Worse, Wed be meeting at her high school. and yeah. oh god. It was cool hanging out at the canteen with you mitch and I still have that picture.

We talked alot. About everything really. And one night she was having problems with her then BF. I remember asking her "Yo mitch my dawg fo fizzle gizzle no mizzle fizzle?" *Hey, anything I can do to help out?* and she said "yeah, Lets get over to Nice place and find marwin, Can you bring your car?". So there I go driving to her place in the middle of her night, getting lost, circling round her place 5 times looking for her and not getting what she was telling me on where she was and the 7th time I circled I saw her sitting at the curb. Kinda not hard to see her since like my balls, She glows in the fucking dark. I see her, I pull up next to her, She opens the door and fucking triple somersaults in and we fly to nice place. Yeah shes awesome, shes like half American half shinobi master ninja or something. I look at her, she looks at me all awkward and stuff and I said " You do realize your still getting in a car with a stranger?" She said meh, I trust you.

We land at nice place and well, Nice place is like the most emo place of all since all the scene kids drink there so lotsa drama would be happening that night. I go in there with mitch and she finds her bf, gives her something and says to me lets go. So there I am driving, almost halfway to her place and the guy texts me to please please please come back. I show mitch the message and she tells me oh god lets hurry over to the place. I get there pretty fast and you know its pretty fast when you drive around the area and you feel like your driving over the moon and all your clothes in the back goes flying everywhere. Her then-BF wasnt there though and his friends are telling us he ran , like, seriously he ran chasing the van when we first left and could still be chasing us. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit oh look, Hes coming towards us already. Damn hes good. And then mitch and him hug and cry or whatever and I smoke and watch the scene, cant help but laugh since michelle kinda has to bend forward to hug him right.

I think they broke up soon after that. yeah im pretty sure they did coz me and him were talking about it, and his cousins place was close to my dads pad and I dropped by and oh my god the apartment was littered with pringles, lays, taco left overs and MOTHER FUCKING EXTREME EXPRESSO PIZZA HOW THE FUCK DO YOU JUST LET THAT LAY AROUND LIKE THAT EAT IT ALL UP MOTHER FUCK OHMGWTF. Oh yeah, he was a mess. I think he was high too. Oh yeah, he did kinda get high right in front of me when I went there. Not sure what he took but it involved injecting himself. He and his cousin asked me to stay the night and watch movies so I did but they fell asleep first. So yeah ate the whole pizza. It was morning and I just couldnt sleep but I didnt want to be rude and just leave and not say anything or wake them up so I did the old school romansa way and left a note on the bed saying I had to go. After that I heard stories that he was getting more and more self destructive. And mitch was getting more and more sad coz she didnt have anyone to hang out with anymore since everybodys friends with her ex.

But what the fuck, I had friends too that didnt hang out with him and weve been talking alot by that time. I asked her if she wanted to hang out and goof around and meet new people and drive on base to which she agreed to. Yeah fuck that hot day. I was late and when I got to the meeting point, there were the dudes and there was mitch moping around being anti social and looking cool by smoking. After some awkward introductions we drove over to Dutyfree to look for sugar free koolaid to dye my hair then we hung out at our exclusive spot at the petron gas station and drank a bit despite the afternoon heat. I hoped what I did for her at that time helped her get out of her rut.

Oh man mitch, remember the time we went to see that free concert and we picked you up and Pj was really creepy and I was all sad over jois? man what a night.

And then you surprised me by showing up at my apartment? Quiapo told me he'll bring his new girl to the place and well what do you know, you show up.

And when all the shit broke down you stood by my side. you stood by me and jois' side. You made sure me and jois stayed allright. Sometimes Id come home to find you and jois drinking gin and having fun.

And then you had to leave my side, but came back to me to open my eyes on the faults that I did, and the fault thatad she did which made me leave her?

And the time you told me to make myself useful and jump off a cliff? man.

You and me, we had some good times and some bad times. Your like, one of my favorite friends to hang out with even though I didnt talk too much. I was there for your shitty times, And you were there for mine. and after that we didnt talk at all. until when was that, last month or 2? Yeah when you added me here I was wary that this was some ploy or whatever. I msged you and reminded both of us of that shitty moment but you and your heart full of gold bling said that meh, whatever, its over. lets start this over again. lets just reset. It took of a really heavy weight off my shoulders because honestly, I missed you. And im being gross and cheesy and gushy on the god damn internet so yeah sorry. But I felt like writing this down ever since this morning. You know, coz those were some really good times we had dude. Right now, I wish I had you at my side , smoking somewhere having a bottle between us and just talking, especially at this point of time in my life. I mean, You and me, we used to talk about absolutely everything, even our first times getting laid.

Plus I think it was around this time that we first started talking online. So yeah, where ever you are, stay safe and happy, keep it real, keep loving. and you deserve the best. Great friend she is.

See you in December? :)

Manipulated

2010-04-02T02:54:00.000-07:00

There's this show that were gonna play at somewhere in this small town I live in. April 10 will be the day that Orion finally gets a gig happening. 28 bands lined up. People new to the scene and the veterans under one roof. Everybody's getting ready for this and you can see it if you've been passing by my house lately, where the garage is the place to practice for a few young bands.

Ive been doing this band thing since I was 15 and I have a total of 7 pics to show of it. I woke up and checked my online social things to see whats up and the thing that caught my eye were the hundreds of pictures people have of themselves playing at a show or in the practice studio. Some even have group pictures of the band that's been photoshopped to have the name on the band on the picture. They try to make all this fuss to people that they have a band yet all they do are covers of the latest trends.

I don't encourage people to take pictures of me when I'm doing something, so ugly to look at. When I sing on stage or on the floor or in the garage of someones place, I do it with all of my heart, not for the cameras, not for street cred. Sometimes not even for the audience. I have to let it out sometimes and for me its the only place where I can just let it pour. I jump and stomp the ground, I shake my head as I try to get the memories out, I claw at my chest as it burns and pangs with the thought that this could be the last time Ill be heard again. I scream and yell and I fall to the floor as my legs give in and when my knees touch the ground I remember when I begged for a little more time. Its not a pretty sight.

Its really not.

Whatever you choose

2010-03-10T04:50:00.000-08:00

Before I go talk about how awesome Paramore was last night, I think I should acknowledge the fact that Callalilly is a great band too and deserves the front act spot because of their hard work, honest music and god granted talent. Allright, now the only people reading this are the callalilly fans, So, guys, your favorite band blew balls, and the only reason they got to front paramore last night was because of the 3 months worth of corporate dick sucking. And hint, It involves gay nigerian pedophiles.

Yeah, I was at the Paramore live in manila concert last night and I went because I got to go in free front row because a friend of mine knew someone, who knew someone who knew someone that could get us in free of charge and also, man its paramore. I've been listening to them since their first album and I've been liking them ever since. Except for this one time in my life. Ill get to that later.

Okay so Callalilly fronted them last night and I saw 3/4s of the crowd just texting, listening to something else on their iPod, or shouting for paramore to get on the stage and play. I mean, seriously, of all the bands why them. They didn't even really play since they were too busy being cute to the crowd and to the main event.

It was my first time at the concert grounds of "The biggest mall in all of asia" and man is that area huge and geez what a crowd. I think the whole place was packed. It was kinda boring though if you wanted to walk around the place (we couldnt go out, We ninja'd our way in). There was a mcdonalds stall, a drink stall, a merch tent with the 3 shirts, a cd stall, a mcdo stall, and a water stall and that was it. Hayley pointed out that there were so many mcdonalds stalls that it was funny amazing. But wtf, no fries. seriously. what gives. Ok, so being in the gold/vip section it was pretty much filled with rich kids or rich kids for the night, or theives. or college hookers. Oh and alot of people were speaking pretty good english for some reason. and if someone bumped into you, or me since I'm big, they'd grab your arm and say sorry 50 times in 8 seconds before going away. And there was lonelyboi6_9 too. I don't really know who he is but I should give him a name if Im going to talk about this guy. So throughout the night I noticed this guy was always about 15 feet away from me. If I'd go away from the crowd to smoke a cigarette, When I'd turn to face the stage, there he was, just wandering around. I went to check the tshirts at the merch booth, and there he was at the other end of the table checking the shirts. When I checked out the cd stall, after 5 minutes of me leaving the stall he was there checking the cds. And it looked like he went to the show with no one. Maybe he was looking for someone to hang with. Maybe I shouldnt be laughing about his lonely situation. Maybe I should be creeped out. Maybe he wasnt even following me and it was just a coincidence that he would be everywhere I would go. But thats just who lonelyboi6_9 is. just wandering, looking for someone to talk to. But why me?

Paramore fans are really passionate for their favorite band, going crazy as soon as hayley went on stage, having banners asking hayley to go out with them to the ball to which hayley said on mic that shes never been to one and telling her bandmates that she has a date in manila, people going nuts throughout the night because theyve been waiting for 5 years to watch the band play. Reminds me of a girl who we'll call

They played alot of songs from their new album which of course every band does. I just wish they'd play more of the older songs since its their first time to play here. When I watched thursday and trivium they played new and old songs equally and all three have had 4 albums released. I heard people shouting for Emergency to be played and all we know is falling but the setlist is set and thats all they could play. Probably due also to the time restraint they had due to the concert area closing around the same time that the mall closes. There was also a tweet I saw awhile ago by some local celebrity saying that the organizers should never do another event. And really, callalilly fronting? despite this, overall it was a great show since the band gave it their all on stage, really going crazy, thanking the crowd so many times, calling the company theyre on crazy for only getting them to manila just now and hinting that theyll be back soon. Hayley also crowd surfed for awhile but had to be forcefully pulled away from the crowd since she was pretty much being raped.

Okay thats a lie. Thats kind of my day dream though.

Five years since the first album. Its been that long and times moved that fast. I remember being pretty much the only one among my peers in bataan that knew the band. I remember putting their video on my ipod and 5 bands in olongapo covering their songs and how they were kids when they first played at warped tour. There was that time when I didnt want to hear from them anymore though. There was that time when you'd hear Pressure being played on the phones of girls at jollibee, people copying the image of the band, people getting known for playing their songs and such. But over the years everyone has matured, hayley finally has a love song out and the crowd didnt have the gutter look they had years ago. I think. Because there are some annoying hayley fans that think theyre the only ones who have the right to copy her image. Thats annoying. Also more annoying is the fact that the person cant pull it off anyway. The frontlady is around my age and that kinda scares me because people say that people will take notice of what you do if you just do what you love to do and show it, but when I look at other people around my age that has the same passion and have great musical skill, they still have to work a 9- job just to make ends meet. Just sing your heart out and they will listen they say, Well I know people that have done it and never got anything out of it. I guess you have to factor in the image thing and radio play and that blows especially since I know people that are 26 who are great bandmates that still has to depend on doing showband sets to be able to get some cash while doing the music thing. Watching known bands is inspiring and for me sad at the same time. Especially when its callalilly.

Yeah I have to work on my writing more, this is kind of a rush job since I thought I'd try to experiment with the surroundings by hanging at Shanes place instead of mine. I had to type this down as soon as possible since the words could vanish after sleep, which I think is a sign of weakness. Oh, and the fanzine I write for will be up and running again after my friend graduates and can get to it. I cant write an opening, I cant write a closing, Its all about whats in between for me. Kinda reflects my personality, shy at first, and I cant let go.

So yeah, good night. Just wish I couldve been with more of my friends and got to go shopping for that cap I want, but I got to watch paramore. And I know a couple of people that wouldve killed anyone, especially me to be able to watch the show up front and personal. I enjoyed it alot thank you. If they come here again, Ill still go.

Dreaming

2010-02-02T07:26:00.000-08:00

For the past couple of weeks Ive had daydreams of this wonderful girl and our story. It has no start or beginning though since I do not know how I will meet this person. Equally insane and intelligent. A beauty in my eyes. A rare person and we'd move to live with each other and everyday would be a hazy dream with the question floating above us asking "Is this all real?". Yeah the dream girl scenario is awesome and scary. And quite sad because shes just that. A dream girl. And how often have I dreamed of events that will be so grand and spectacular, None ever came true. At the end of my blissful thoughts and my cigarettes it all comes back to me again, that Dream girl really is a dream. But I can't give up hope. She is out there. Maybe? Hopefully. but maybe not.

Facebook killed this

2009-12-01T18:47:00.000-08:00

I am so sorry blogspot for hurting your feelings :( From now on Ill put down all my longform notes here mkay?

Yeah nobody likes being tagged anyway.

lay

2009-08-08T11:27:00.003-07:00

Haven't changed anything about my blog since I made this. The things I wrote about friends are still remembered. Around June, Sept brought up how I was being an ass for pretending I forgot her bday, She knows I remember because I wrote what happened last year. Felt kinda nice knowing that she didn't forget this space.

Matchsticks

2009-05-29T04:25:00.000-07:00

I used to post a lot on this blog because I know that people who I am able to see in person do not have the time to listen to me pour out my heart to them. I learned that through the person who always took the conversation to his direction. I learned that through the person who never has something to say to me that came from his heart but from textbooks he used for school. I learned that from the person who just doesnt have the time to spare.

First 8 days of 2009

2009-01-07T11:07:00.000-08:00

There's this place called Bagiuo see, and It seems that among the people who I usually hang out with I was the only one that didn't get a chance to hang out there. Well, kinda. I wanted to go there years ago but I've been hearing that it really changed since becoming the top tourist spot of this country. I finally went over there since that was where the family wanted to spend new years eve and for three days I found out that it really was about the coldest place around here. It wasnt like that cold like how it is in the states or even japan, its just much more colder then any other place here, A cold I couldnt bear and even though on that one night, while I was waiting for my friend, my legs felt like they were icing up, It was a nice feeling mainly because I prefer layering up instead of just wearing a Tshirt.

So yeah, just hung out with my ex girlfriends friends, even felt sad because one of them has a boyfriend. well, not really that sad since duh, Id never be her type anyway.

01/06/2009

http://www.1up.com/do/newsStory?cId=3172156
http://www.gamasutra.com/php-bin/news_index.php?story=21759
http://www.joystiq.com/2009/01/06/assessing-the-damage-at-1up/

Quite the way to start the new year. When I heard rumors a month ago of 1up getting sold , I Thought that it would just be 1up moving house. Then I see this on the front page of pretty much my favorite gaming news site for the past 3 years. Not only that but Im losing my favorite gaming magazine. One that I have been reading since I was 6 or 7 years old. Not really reading, but just looking at the pretty screenshots mind you but still. Yeah it was around that age where I have this story relating to gaming magazines and how my mom didnt understand it at the time.

I had just bought 2 magazines after getting the friday night dinner of popeyes with my mom. I usually buy my mags near this one small mart with a few game cabinets hidden in some dark room. I had just gotten I think a Gamefan magazine with Killer Instinct on the cover. Where that dino dude is shooting a fireball from its mouth toward a ninja named jago. yeah. I cant help buy laugh at that. Anyway, browsed through that and also seeing screen shots of this really intresting game with some anime looking long red haired guy with huge hands that has a gem on the top of his hand flying around and fighting things. I dont know what that game is but I wish I actually read the thing to know it. Later that night in bed I woke up to use the bathroom and for some reason my mom who happend to be passing by my room thought that I had nightmares from reading all those magazines. All those magazines being probably about 12 diffrent magazines. Not really sure of the numbers but it was a heavy stack. In the morning I found out that my mom threw it all away.

Yeah not much of a story but awhile ago I tried to compare the feeling of my mom taking away my magazines to the feeling I have now concerning 1up / Egms sad state. But you just cant. When I saw the list of people getting laid off I just really couldnt believe it. You got Anthony Gallegos, Ryan O'Donnell, Shane Bettenhausen, Ryan Scott, and, FFS, James "Milkman" Mielke. According to twitter (yeah im new at that) Today would be the last day that they would be at the office and If I read correctly the Jan 09 issue would be the last Issue of the almost 20 year old Electronic Gaming Monthly magazine. With fucking wolverine on the cover. Really hope they can pull off a farewell issue. I really think they deserve it too. But since times are rough over there...

Internet killed everything I love. Well not really everything, just took away alot of things.

Ugh especially the magazine. I dont know whats up with me with mags. Even though I have internet access I dont complain about the 600 peso price tag I see when I want to pick up the latest (as far as latest around here goes) issue of whatever Im looking for. Whenever we go to a mall I just cant leave without checking out if my fave mags are at the store for me to pick up. Although I dont have the biggest collection of magazines since some got lost to the wind, I can say that im probably the only one amongst the people I know that are really big into magazines. Yes I can hear them when they tell me just search the net but theres just that something that pulls me into it. I dont know. Maybe Its the funnel effect that mags have, especially today where writing is everywhere on the net, its nice to have a medium that can help filter through all the rumors you read on the internet.

Its always been a dream for me to be able to work for a magazine related to gaming or music. However It seems that taking up that journalism course wont be helping me much since magazines are closing down or are on the brink. Besides, If I take up journalism Ill be forcing myself to only go for somethign thats gaming or music related. Also, I dont think I could keep up anyway. As you can tell by my posts Im not that good of a writer. Not good with keeping schedules too. Take note that ive been reading sicne I was young and this is all I can muster up? Maybe Ill finally know what my writing is capable of very soon.

I really dont know how this year will turn out for 1up and for the people that got laid off. But thats the exciting part. I have this little daydream where everyone from 1up past will all make a magazine or a site together and that would be so rad.

That old feeling

2008-12-28T09:54:00.000-08:00

I have submitted my article 2 days ago. Hopefully it all turns out fine. I mean reader reactions since its a touchy subject for some people. I'm here trying to spend time with people who matter at my hometown since I plan on not returning as often once I start work again. Besides my stay here will be extended since Ill be having surgery after Jan 5.

2008 was a bad year now that I look at it. Not bad by people doing things to me (which didn't happen) but by me beating myself up over small things that I can fix. I will do better next year.

Oh thank you

2008-12-21T06:46:00.000-08:00

Globe pulled through. Took long enough. So i may be spending xmas here at my apt since I have work but as soon as I get my day off Im jumping on the bus to get home. Just want to see some people, get the rest of my stuff, say goodbye to everyone else.

Will be writing for an online zine called the atomic zebra and will update my podcasts.

and my head is blank now. doh. man just when I get connected to the web.

Well try later

Cool

2008-12-17T04:13:00.001-08:00

So globeline sucks. Still no connection. Allright so I could be writing for a zine and I finally went to cuerdas bar with Gelo and now I really know that I suck as a musician. Welp

STOP!

2008-11-03T02:38:00.000-08:00

I went to work the other day at 3 AM. Did the same thing I was trained to do. Bathe 2 hours before I leave my apartment, Hang out for awhile with Benson and Onse, Leave while they fall asleep, Jaywalk to get to the bus on the other side of the road, Walk a little uphills to get to the office and get a station and click the buttons on the phone to log in and start taking in calls. However that one day was diffrent. It wasnt the fact that I couldnt give directions to the lost girl trying to get to Bulacan before I rode the bus nor was it that little distraction I had before I left the apartment.

My schedule was changed and it turns out my shift starts at 5 AM. So there I was, taking calls two hours before Im supposed to, Helping customers out with hardware failures and calling in the workforce to let them know that I do not want to take in calls two freaking hours before my shift. Paid overtime be damned, At that moment after I put down the phone, I couldve been doing 50 other things somewhere else. But there I was, Confused and sleepy and at the office taking in calls.

This job makes me lose track of time. Makes me forget what the day is and makes me wonder if I ran away for the right reasons. Yes run away. Run away from the people I know, Run away from the who matter and run away to pursue some abstract dream of doing something on my own. So I admit it. I ran away and I dont even know why.

It couldnt have been to meet new people since the people Ive met reminds me of the people Ive already known before. There is Max, one of the more awesome tech leads that always says something funny. There are people Ive met who remind me of what it was like being surrounded with people who can achieve whatever they want when they want to and have already achieved something that Ill never be able to have. There are the curious and there are the ones who will never understand how my head runs. There are the people who know how my head runs and laugh and cry when I bring up thoughts on anything I see. And there are the people who you thought you would be sticking with thin and through only ending with them never to talk to you again over some trivial matter. But I havent met somebody who carries the same passion as a certain boy I know whos willing to take shot after shot but still have the strength to pick up and go on. I havent met someone who will take the time to listen to my theory of the accidental death how we wont know about it. I havent met the people who matter here. Almost. Ive met a few so far. Maybe with just a little more prodding well be able to see if they will.

It couldnt be because I want to do something that matters since it seems that the things I do will never show up in the files. That someones already done it only better. Of course I knew it. Who would take a boy like me seriously. Who would believe the stories I tell of the time I was on the road. Who would be affected by what I have to say. I honestly dont know why people dont want to delve a little deeper in my head. Everytime I start talking Im interrupeted with a better story. Maybe I just dont have the grace and charm of the guy next to me that garners the attention of the audience in a split second. Maybe I am just that boring.

I dont have a nice bed yet. I have only bought 1 shirt. I dont have a fridge so I can have a cold beer at any moment. Almost all my clothes are in the laundry basket. I havent even slept in my own room yet. But I know this takes time but I dont know how long I can do this. All I know is that I want to stay here for as long as I can. Start small they say. But everytime I gain something important I always seem to lose it.

Sad night here. Havent slept yet and Im alone. At least I got a Net connection and My friend let me borrow his laptop.

I need a pick me up. Grill queen does that trick. Its the best BBQ in town. Damn marketing.

2008-10-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

Still havent found a PC shop im comfortable with. Office work is very not my thing but hell, I gotta get cash somehow.

Soloman

2008-09-26T08:05:00.000-07:00

First day orientation. Get a feel for the people that you'll be working with. There are your goofballs, your know it alls, your teachers pets, and the ones who just want to get paid. Its kind of like school again. Except that people are meaner, nastier, more hateful to the world or are still so blind to the reality of how life really is. You know, Cheerleaders. I thought I got away from all of that years ago. Well here I am again with the type of people I don't want to be with. But this time I'm going to be paid to deal with these people around me while helping people hook up DVDs or something. Well it was the first day. You cant judge a blah through the blah blah but first impressions last. I dont know. Ill take whatever comes because Ive got my own place at the city and a job. A job that an undergraduate slacker like me had a semi easy time getting into. Wow. I am that special?

So I finally met Anna the ragdoll. The original ragdoll before everybody else started ripping her off or whatever. Shes ok. Kinda looks like the ex girlfriend of a guy I know. Even sounds like her sometimes. But she looks excatly what I imagined she would look like in person. Even super friendly. Its cool how we met. I was on the bus to get my medical at SM north and I texted her that I have work. Turns out she works at the same place at the same account at the same wave as I do. I got to swing her around like a little doll when we finally, after 3 years of knowing each other online, met. Same as Ron. looks like Ill be meeting alot of online people now.

Speaking of which, I met this guy from Bacolod who knows this girl from that place. Small internet world I guess. Hes cool. Into the whole christian metalcore scene and he makes bacolod sound like such an intresting place. Makes me want to visit there someday. Maybe when after a few months ill go check it out over there.

I just want to mention that the week before i got the job was pretty sad for me since GFW radio pulled the plug. Ziff Davis lost two very talented writers, Jeff Green and Shawn Elliot. Very sad indeed. I really really really enjoy listening to the brodeo. Most of the time I put the podcast on before I sleep and it just goes on and on on repeat. So theres one weird bedroom habit of mine. The other is that I must have 4 pillows when I sleep. There the secrets out.

This will be my first weekend in the city after quite a number of years. Ill be seeing my friends band play tommorrow at Nightwish and Ill be drinking at my new apartment. Hopefully all goes well and Ill have fun.

Time to sleep.

51

2008-09-24T17:52:00.000-07:00

I got the job. Will be moving tom to my apartment at MCU. Things are moving really fast. wow.

IM A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blue

2008-09-04T04:24:00.000-07:00

There's this thing about me when it comes to tardiness and absence. The first time I don't appear after being told to do something/go somewhere it doesn't affect me as much. Just blow it off ill go next time. Then that next time if i don't show up i start to get affected. Then when it happens again and again and next thing you know I haven't shown up for 6 months and that i have a huge amount of debt to them. Debt as in I owe someone a beer for every month I'm gone. Yeah that's pretty much what happened which is why my blog hasn't had any posts about Decaying Labia for the longest time. What was supposed to be an overnight stay in Olongapo with my dad turned into me mooching off my friends in manila for 5 days in which I didn't bring anything. It was still an awesome stay of course. I guess i just really wanted to get out of bataan that bad. Ever since Shane left unwillingly to Australia I just felt that I have nothing left to do at the hometown. No, Maybe not like that. I guess it really just woke me up that we have such limited time to do the things we want to do. I also owe everyone who reads this a beer as an apology for not updating for so long.

His birthday was meant to be one of drinking and eating happily and just hanging out. Not having to be reminded that he has to go abroad for the next 5 years or something and leave everything he had growing up. But as the night went on with people singing songs for him and him singing songs for us, it really just started to hurt to see him go. You can tell he didn't want to leave and who was going to be against that? Hes a good student and a son and brother and a friend. Hes spent his life in a place he doesn't want to leave and after being all nice to everyone at school he has to put up with this. A one way trip to austrailia where he'll be a nurse at. Well its for his future. He has a girlfriend who he really loves and thats just the way things are over here. A few nights later he had another drinking session with some people and I was invited. I gave him the shirt I had that he wanted and a Japanese shot glass since he'll be doing a lot of drinking. I don't know, it hurts for me since he told me that even though me and him arent that close he still considers me a brother. Wish I got to hung out with him more. I probably didn't since he hangs out with the big guys here at bataan but those last few times I hung with him I was proven wrong. It just felt really wrong how you put up with so much shit for a better future that you may not spend with the people who matter. The guys made an impact at the scene at bataan for openly hating stuff , encouraging people to be original and to avoid crap music and actually knowing his shit. Some people just cant see things like this in a more broad sense. I was with 2 other dudes at his going away party but it was just like theyre seeing someone go off to a vacation or whatever i dont know. Like they didnt understand that the guy didnt want to leave. I still dont want to leave this country because ive had to deal with not having a friend from when i was a young boy that i could see today. Also it takes me a really long time to actually gain a best friend. I doubt I have any now anyway.

Soon after that I felt that I should go and leave the province. seriously. like i planned months ago. So a few days ago here I told chino that i need a break. The band already has a following so me bieng the frontman is no longer necessary. I gave them a headstart so lets see where they take the band without me.

And so we fast forward to that saturday where i'm on the bus and its 10 pm and I didn't bring any clothes or cash and im going to a party and i don't know who's going. All i know is Khat is there and i owe them something for not showing up. I arrive at Nightwish located at Malate and to my surprise the people who i usually hang out with at the city isnt even present. Just half of August Mayhem and half of Decaying Labia already kind of drunk but still fun to hang with anyways. Turns out that they're visiting a different scene or something so while everybody who knows each other hangs at the front of the bar were just drinking at the front of ministop which is always fine by me. Besides, the scene at the bar looks like a bunch of metalfags waiting for a fight and that doesn't take long to happen. Good thing we didn't get involved much since Khat knows them. But i found out that the reason for the fight was just because some drunk guy said Ixion sucks. Which i think is just bullshit. If your in a band or even if your doing anything creative to the public then you should be able to accept the criticism that will come to you. You cant avoid it and if you get offended by some drunk heckler that didn't even see you play then you shouldn't be doing what your doing. So there, Fight started by that band ganging up on one guy then for some reason the dudes I were with joined in which was funny because just a few moments before the fight started Me and vince and some other dude just started siniging Backstreet Boys songs at the street opposite of the fight. Khat tried to stop the fight but to no avail so me and her and Ero ran from the place. Welcome to Malate. We met up at the Jollibee shortly but then Frances noticed that his cellphone was gone. So me him and khat hurry back to where the fight happend and Ero and the rest of the guys head back to Eros place but first had to stop at the barangay station for i dont know someone to make sure we dont get killed or something. Frances tells his story to the guys over there while khat heads over to where the fight is and tries to talk to some guys about frances phone which lasts for 15 minutes. This is where Tina and her boys come in and try to play private eye. You see, nobody at the fight noticed a phone so we started searching around the 7-11 close by where witnesses, a cigarette vendor, a pedicab driver,local tambays and a hooker told us diffrent stories. Most of them didnt see the phone but the pedicab driver said that he saw one of the guys who jumped us take it. Tina then calls the phone and notices that its still ringing which is strange because any victim of having their phone lost or stolen would know that the person who has the phone wouldve turned it off by now or threw away the sim card. So that means its in the hands of someone who doesnt know how to operate a phone or its just lying around somewhere. After awhile the lady whos working her shift at the bakery next to the scene tells us that she saw the pedicab driver take the phone. She just couldnt say anything right away because he was right there. We told this to the barangay and they took action by searching the area and his pedicab and taking him away to the main station for further investigations. Theres already a witness and he still refuses to give up the phone so the barangay dudes, well they start beating up the dante. Not really gang up on him though. Just slapping him with his slippers, using their sticks on his kneeecaps. Yet after all that he still doesnt want to give it up. After awhile we go back to the 7-11 and they start playing good cop with him while the others start searching the area again. The barangay captain shows up kinda drunk and really scares the shit out of the pedicab driver by pulling out a gun on him but he still denies that he has the phone. Then the barangay finds Frances phone under a pile of garbage in a garbage can then the cigarette vendor next to the garbage can tells us that the pedicab driver put it there, probably in fear of what may happen to them since theyre a part of the crime now. The barangay tells the driver and the vendor to get the fuck out of his place and that nobody commits any crime and gets away with it at his place. We thank everybody who helped us all out and frances felt guilty that he couldnt give anything to them for their help but we were assured that its ok and they are just glad that they could help. Do i feel guilty that the driver got beat up pretty bad? No. We head off towards Eros house to get the guys and i try to make Frances uncomfortable as much as possible by softly purring in his ear since we sat next to each other. We get the guys who are still drunk and head back home.

Home , or where im staying at for the next few days, is at Tondo at Jepps house. I really have no problem with the whole tondo is murder thing because so far, nothings happened to me and i find the people friendly anyway and theres a buncha places that a drunk guy can eat at too. By the time we get back to tondo the suns already coming up. Khat goes home because she can and Me, Gerard, Tina and Vincent head off to find some good goto or something all the while annoying tina with our renditions of Enrique Iglesias and we are singing his songs all the way to Jepps place just because we like seeing Tina whine and nearly vomit when we sing. It brings us great joy. Jepp comes from work in awhile and apparently is in a call center now. And apparently alot of people i know are also working there. He tells me thats where the scene is working now. But i shouldnt be pimping companies here. Yeah i guess thats where im going to work but id rather work at a place where i know nobody. Just to have the chance to meet new people. Hopefully someone will know what Warhammer is and will teach me coz id really like to get into that game.

I was supposed to go home the next day. I mean, I had to. I had no clothes and no cash and I told my mom that id just be in the out for a day. But then i was told that Matyus birthday was coming up and that September would be coming to Matyus house with their newborn kid. So of course i had to stay until tuesday. Just to see their kid and those two since yeah, its been months since ive seen them. I didnt even see September with her stomach big with the kid. When i got that text that she had given birth I honestly felt guilty for being absent that long.

Garnet got home later that morning when i put down my bag at Jepps place. To her surprise instead of geeking out with their PS2 I was found trying to catch up on sleep. Of course with garnet my sleep was rudely interrupted, Not that Im complaining, I kind of missed it. I think they wanted me to go with them to the market to buy their lunch later on but I guess they just let me sleep til midday. When i woke up they were off sleeping. Oh by the way, they both worked at the same company. I wasnt hungry when i woke up and didnt turn on the PS2 since i didnt want to wake them. Also i had no one to text since there wasnt a charger around and i needed my wake up smoke. So i just wanted to go outside but i couldnt since i dont want to seem rude. Well when garnet woke up she told me to eat and that it was ok to go willy nilly inside the house since Jepps grandma and grandmas helper knew me anyway. My manners shot down i guess? So when Garnet woke up she went with me downstairs so that i can eat. I wasnt hungry but thanks for the concern. Well i should have just gone down to help myself because that Sopas they cooked was really good. Khat dropped by and we got to hang out a bit and smoke and whatever. i mean, just me. She doesnt smoke. in fact i noticed during my stay that Im smoking either way too much or nobody just asks me for cigarettes. Jepp had worked that day but Garnet didnt have so i went on over to Mats place with Khat and Garnet to see their baby girl. Her name is Bleu and looks just like September and Matyu. Its really cool to see that he has a kid now and that hes totally happy with the newborn. Its funny because back then Mat would always tell me that He thinks hes impotent. Also add to the fact that he smokes Menthols. When we got there though his grandma said that i look bloated. Which scared me into thinking that ive got some disease or something. We didnt stay long so we went to look for that BBQ place that has Bulaklak. I love that stuff and over here at bataan there isnt anything like it so of course im going to help myself to it. After jepp got done eating he went to work, Leaving me garnet and khat hanging around. Soon afterwards I got the munchies and on the way to the 7-11 got thirsty for alcohol. I bought 3 cans of Colt. Hey, I like colt. i prefer colt to red horse coz even though it gets warm its drinkable. I bought 3 because i thought the girls would drink too but soon found out that i was the only one that was gonna drink. Oh well more for me? We hung out for a long while then i slept till afternoon.

Later that monday, Monique visited me to drop off some food. Chinese fried noodles with siomai. It was street food and I liked the noodles and siomai but it was just too greasy for me and didnt have a buncha veggies the way i like any noodle that gets served with me. Well you get what 25 pesos is. In exchange I was supposed to buy her a Flying Saucer at Khats place but she kept telling us that they dont have that. Me and Monique hung out for awhile since she lied to her mommy about her class schedule. Oh and it turns out she hangs with this girl who knows me. Jajia is her name. I kind of remembered her and was surprised when Monique told me that one of her friends knows me and asked her to say hi to me. Later that day Garnet told me that I would be all alone that night since they have work. Yipee? I guess. Except that the memory card was full so I couldnt save most of anything I played that time. I did get to watch some episodes of Evangelion Genesis though. I had the place for myself I couldve asked a girl to drop by so we could bang but meh, decieded not to. I got thirsty again though for beer so i asked khat to watch me get drunk outside their place. Was supposed to be 2 bottles of Colt but for some reason if you buy the large bottle of Colt you get a small one for free. Which is of course, good for 40 bucks in my book. So me and khat just hung out and talked about what i missed and how everyone is doing and about the descendants and how much that band has influenced her in her music ways. I didnt go out that day since i just wanted to chill and have people bear gifts to me. Which didnt happen. It is now tuesday and 5 am. Time to sleep.

I am rudely awakened by garnet (natch) around early afternoon so that i can go with her and jepp to Karate Kid at SM San Lazawhatever. Its really cool since I like the food over there. I really prefer Karate Kid over Tokyo Tokyo. I think I mentioned it in an earlier blog that if you spend 150 at tokyo tokyo and at karate kid youll find out that karate kid has better food and more food with the 150 bucks you bring along and i think Tokyo tokyo doesnt even have Gyuden or whatever which is pretty much a sin since it is a japanese fast food resturant. We were supposed to watch a movie but the one good movie that day was something with rob schnieder in a prison. Im not really a fan of his films so we skipped out on it. You know, The other day when I was watching TV at home there was this local program with movies and some people talk about the upcoming movie for awhile and they mentioned that Rob is half filipino and I imagined that alot of the local people said at that moment " Holy god he is? I knew it thats why hes so funny!" and went to watch every other film hes made. I wanted to buy some ps2 games but when we checked the place that has it , it turns out that they dont even sell those games anymore. They just have a folder for DS and PSP games that you can download. Before we get out of the mall i saw a movie poster of Max Payne. I thought it would be really really cool but then I saw a post over at 1up about the rating for that movie and The Dark Knight. Later that day I would be drinking along with other guys and a drunk gal since it was Mats Bday. At first the party almost didnt happen and i was asking around if there was going to be any drinking happening. Mat told me to go there before its all gone. Whatever he was talking about i knew that i should have some of that action. He was talking about Pancit that someone bought for him which was running out fast. I think the only friends of mat that got the pancit was me and khat. Well like i said, there almost was supposed to be no drinking since September bieng the responsible mother told mat not to drink and Mat just didnt have the funds for the usual party. Wait a second.

Apparently I have been blogging for an unsteady year now since I have a previous post about matyus Bday. Yey?

Well, we still got to drink due to some people putting down cash on the table for mat to drink. It was funny because all he had in his pocket was 3o pesos but by the end of the night he got 5 bottles of Grandma , a case of Red Horse muchos, 3 plates of squidballs and kikiam, an order of Mechado, an order of Sisig, 10 bags of various chips and some bicol express and by the next morning he had 170 pesos too. Dang that guy is loved around his place. It ended early since well September didnt even him to drink anyway. After all the drinking we head on over to Jacks place. Of course me and Vincent started singing Enrique Iglesias. On the way there I started to know why everybody fears tondo. To get to Jacks place we have to go through some really dark and sketchy places often with drunk people just around the corner. The last section we had to go through was literally like walking into a hole or something. Just pitch black. There could have been a body there for all we know or an ambush but hell its Jacks home. We got there just safe and we drank a little bit again while watching dvds. Head on back to jepps place to sleep it off. Was supposed to get on a bus that morning but meh. Ive learned long ago that you do not want to ride a bus half drunk.

Its wednesday so that means its Jepps day off. He played guitar when we woke up and I read the 2 magazines that I bought back at the mall. Then suddenly for some reason we started making up versions of scene songs from before converted to the style of scene songs of now. You know Juneau done Bring Me The Horizon style stuff like that. It was funny and I told him it would be awesome if he started a band that played like that. I still think that would be really rad if he did it. Garnet gets home and we eat and it was during this time that I almost didnt go home for that day since she told me that shell be getting paid on thursday. Id love to stay but my mom told me that I had to get home so that I can watch the pawnshop. Too bad since I really wanted another round of karate kid. So yeah, they sleep , I hang with Khat, I read a bit, jepp goes to work and Im in charge of waking up Garnet at around midnight so that she can get to work. So yeah nothing much happend during my last day at manila. I guess I didnt want anything to happen anyway. Which is ok with me anyway. I wasnt even sure there was a bus at the station at 2 am but luckily there was. Except that it leaves at 3.

So I got back to bataan. All safe and sound and flat out broke and it took me awhile to get this post up because of getting interrupted with other things around here. You know, the usual drama that ill talk about once I put my head to actually posting it. My 2 previous posts have just been about what im supposed to write about and im sorry for not talking about it now but ill be able to do it now that my writers block has been taken off.

Well thats it for now. Closing thoughts. Hmm. I still have to talk about a lot of things so yeah.

God im deep in the red here.

FatBoyFightsBack

2008-07-14T01:18:00.000-07:00

On july 12 I threw my first D.I.Y show. Kind of. It wasn't much of a show since only 2 proper bands played and half the expected audience didn't show up. Still I was told it was such a blast that I should be doing more of these shows. Yes I want to do more shows like this because all Ive been doing is complaining about the local shows here. Money talks. Gone are the days of equal treatment amongst organizer and band and scene. Now we have to sell tickets or we play at the very last slot where over here everybody leaves before the last 5 bands play. People in bands here say to their friends to go to the shows to support the local scene. But what that usually translates to is Go to the shows and watch us and only us play. Now its about bieng cool. I would just like to give back to the scene that I left behind years ago and now I see that the scene here needs all the help it can get. July 19 will be a show from the Bataan Underground which well be playing at. Hopefully it will turn out good. Then the week after Ill be throwing another show and will try to get in contact with the bands that didnt get a chance to be heard.

I sin!

2008-07-06T11:12:00.000-07:00

Yeah I know it sucks that you guys have to read a blog post that doesnt have to do with anything thats actually happening about my life recently, but right now I have writers block and dont know what to say. I will however give you a little preview of what I will write someday!

My birthday and the party

Livewire gig

Coping with people who like what im doing

This girl

my dong

Stick around!

My review of Thursday live in manila

2008-06-01T04:20:00.000-07:00

:,-)

You Vs. Me

2008-05-10T02:44:00.000-07:00

Thursday is coming Makati. Thursday. Thursday! THURSFUCKINGDAY! I thought I would die without seeing most of the bands that I grew up with play but no they're coming here one by one. MCR came here recently but I didn't go since i was never a big fan for their music. Also Falloutboy visited. I would've gone but they probably wouldn't play anything from their first album which I loved.There was even a rumor going around that paramore would be coming here. Something that my Lil sis would watch. Makes me wonder who would drop by next. Actually, why would those bands even bother going here? It bugs the shit out of me but its about time they dropped by here. But why now? Why not years ago when people were still into that particular scene? I need an answer soon.

Would I go watch Taking back sunday if they were to visit here? I would have if they came here circa Tell All your Friends or even Where you want to be. But their latest album is nothing and nowhere near to their previous work that I loved.So maybe I wont go but how often do bands like these take the plane to go here? Thats a point I bring up often whenever rumors of any big event like this starts spreading. Would I go spend 1500 pesos for a band that I would have wanted to see years ago play now? The scene was so much more better that it was now.

Wait what am I saying? The scene here was never that good. The only music nowadays that people are talking about is A Skylit Drive and Black Dahlia Murder. If you don't listen to loud hardcore music don't even bother hanging around because people will really just stare at you or make some snide remark if you play something like, I dont know, Death cab for cutie or Mogwai or if they mention a song from a band Im listening to now that I dont know, they'll think that they know more than me about this particular genre or whatever. The scene today is all about stroking your music boners and comparing wang sizes to the guy your with. "Hey i like this band" "Oh i have a cd of theirs" " no wai, ive been to their shows". Nowadays if you want to be known you have to follow the formula of hanging out with this guy, knowing this kind of music plus keeping up to date with the fashion and banging this girl and everyone wants to have the 100 Group Message in the morning achievement or the 5000 comments title. You know what, It IS an arms race.

If you've been going to the shows in manila lately you'll see that at least 4 guys will be wearing basketball jerseys a baseball cap and shorts reaching down to their shoes. Stuff that wannabe gangster fags would be wearing. At first I thought that that was just a way to mock the Malate hiphop crowd but now everyone else wants in on the action. everyone wants the cap or the shoes or the bling. Its officially not a joke, its now implemented in the book of "how to be cool". The Faux hiphop screamo fag. Back then nobody would want to be associated with the hiphop crowd. The fights at the shows would happen because of the genre discrimination thing happening. Now I'm not saying that we should bring that up again. I personally like the fact that I don't have to worry about what I have to wear outside the house anymore since its just so implemented into society nowadays, but still I wouldn't be wearing what the jocks of my old highschool would because I was never like them and will never be like them.What I'm trying to point out I guess is that back then we had this us against the world mentality thats now gone.The days of going against the mainstream because the mainstream is fucking bull is gone.Maybe This happened because everyone just wants to fit in now. They've given up. They have taken the promise of never changing and cast it away in the closet. They told me they would be my partner against the kids who think that starbucks is so great and trendy but now there they sit with the enemy. foregoing the everyday band shirt for they white stripped longsleeved shirt. Tuning into MTV all day and song by song forgetting what was so great about the days before. Now if your not a fashioncore fag your what you hated before.

I guess not everybody had a Kuya Fishbone in their life. A symbol that no matter how old you are you can still make sense and be in the scene.

I will go to that Thursday show and hopefully see some like-minded individuals and hopefully after that I would have moved into the city. Away from this province and into a new life and I don't know, Make a cafe that caters to the scene. Just a dream I'm wishing will come true.

2008-05-08T23:15:00.000-07:00

I finally talked to her. After months of staying silent and avoiding her , I mustered up the courage to send her a little hello which then turned into an all night talk even going over to texting. It was weird. I was expecting her to ignore me because i heard thats what she wanted so i was pleased that she didnt. I missed that girl after all. I guess the past is past and we can still be friends. Its kind of a downer since she has alot of guys chasing her.Even after she told me she just wants to see her friends falling instead of her. Oh well.

Fiesta

2008-05-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

I forgot that todays our towns fiesta. Lotsa food on the table and the smell wafted into my room. But theres already alot of people here and that makes me uncomfortable. Guess ill brush my hair first.

a little something

2008-05-01T12:42:00.000-07:00

I don't think your really something if you call yourself out on it. Like when someone says they're a manic depressive on their friendster profile. The end result is that you usually see her running around with her little group of friends dressed up in really bright colors having ice cream at mcdonalds and laughing all through out the night. Its just a little something that annoys me. I may be wrong but unless someone changes my opinion that is what I feel with this certain kind of crowd.

A Bomb

2008-04-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

You know that feeling of where you space out and you haven't had enough rest? Yeah if I know what it feels like to be high you can just call it that and if I were to compare it to how strong that high is to that of recreational medicals substances compared to each other then I'd probably put this under Doomweed. I'm going in and out of a vortex. My head is leaning here and there. My eyes are more fucked up then the usual and despite the exhaustion I think its pretty worth staying awake for 3 days and 6 hours for this particular feeling. If I lean my head back I might doze off. I am honestly pretty tired from the whirl of events and emotions that happened and exploded in the course of the three days of hanging at the city where I put past demons aside and having a good time. Kinda?

I went to the city to catch the EP launch of a band. That was an excuse for me to get out of the house to just hang out with other people and not talk about epic rare t6 whatnot items in WoW. Yes an excuse. I don't really know the band much. I can't even give it a good listen since some songs are in tagalog. So no offense and to apologize when I get my cd back I'll digest those songs nice and well. Hey at least I went to the show right? Thats another 100 clams for them. Besides, Rather watch a band like Mocha then to spend 500+ on a ticket for the annual gathering of the most disgusting rawkers/cosplayers to listen to songs that I have easy access to.

It was my second time going to this particular bar. The first time I went here was , when I think about it now, is really similar to how my next visit would go. having to be escorted there, a fight breaking out, a bands EP launch and not sleeping. Yeah Its all very similar. Definitely a conspiracy. Yeah.

One thought that just popped in my head. I first met Lace at this place and it feels like it happened again since this is the first time we've seen each other for years. Except this time we do a dance of hugs. Yeah I really miss that girl and wish we could hang more often. It's nice to see her all smiles instead of the very real depression that I've heard she went through. No, It's just nice to see her.

It's just nice seeing almost all the people who matter to you in one day and after that one day comes the inevitable high you get where you feel like if you take one step back you'll fall and wont be back up for awhile so you keep walking forward even to places unknown to you where you'd take the risk of getting lost to the risk of losing.

It was a beautiful 80 hour day.

Murder

2008-04-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

Ever since Company of Heroes was installed at my friends shop thats all I've been playing. My WoW character is stuck at Level 61 and I'm playing at least 6 hours a day of just Company Of Heroes. I even have a sometimes partner to play with me. Its all I talk about whenever I'm with some people. The day that I didn't play was when I went to the city to hang out with Igi at some overnight party. I didn't complain that I wasn't playing that day since I had a lot of fun anyway and when I'm not playing at night me and the shop guys are drinking away. I think I'm an alcoholic again.

I love every RTS that Relic makes. I've played both Homeworld games and the Warhammer 40,000 games and would still play it today.Maybe its because you control squads instead of individual units. i love it when the screen fills up with units that you can actually control well even in a huge battle in the center. I loved how they implemented a new way to get resources that has you going out there on the field instead of turtling your way to victory and in CoH they took it and really improved it since instead of getting a single resource you have to get 3 resources all by the capture and hold system. Also theres cover all around the enviroment be it around a few barrels , a fence or dead cows. The audio is also really well done where you can tell what is attack a squad and how they're doing out there. A nice little touch in the audio department is when a squad starts speaking when they're far offscreen making it sound like their talking to you through a radio and if there are explosions happening around there will be interference and and muffled sound getting through. Tanks can bust through walls to get to places and riflemen can throw sticky bombs to damage tanks and when artillery starts getting called in you can see debris and bodies flying around. What bums me out is I can't find enough people at the shop to play with me since they see the game as complicated. I accept this change in the RTS genre since im pretty sick of the way that games like Red Alert 2 played out wherein you can take down a main base with 3 prism tanks.Theres also that sense of teamwork in multiplayer games since you don't have your own mine to worry about. You have to go out there with a buddy and capture points together for both your sakes.I'm still trying to figure out a good strategy with the Infantry commander path but even though I get pretty good at that I think I can still be beaten if whoever I'm playing against handles his army right. I've lost matches where I had the right units but got beaten since I couldn't keep up with what my opponent was throwing at me. Even though momentum in the game is pretty good. I've been in matches where we would be losing by 300 points in the start but managed to catch up and win.I still want to play right now.

A bunch of new guildmates in WoW. It annoys my sister when all she sees in the guildchat is people talking about cheeseburgers or something. We had our first guild raid and it was fun until a level 70 guildmate denied me of a ring I needed. So much for helping out.I got a nice mace though.

So I went to the city a few days ago coz of this overnight party/eyeball thing that was happening. It was all good and fun except that I couldn't fit anymore stuff into my bad since I was bringing a lot of meat to grill and the stereo. But around sunset I jumped in the pull anyway, jeans and all.No hookups though and the store closed at night. Seriously what the fuck is up with that? They have this resort that allows overnight swimming but they didn't have the store open and the only place available was at ministop where the prices are higher and the rides were scarce. Yeah got to meet alot of nice people and my friendslist in Fster jumped quite a bit.

I'm going to end this early since I'm pretty wordless right now. But before I go I have to mention that CGW/GFW magazine is shutting down after 27 years of quality journalism of the gaming industry. Good thing the podcast is still alive. Also leaving is Dan Hsu of 1up, formerly of EGM magazine.

Sad and happy week its been indeed.

Bullfrog

2008-03-30T23:36:00.000-07:00

Kinda good show. Nobody wanted to be the first few to play since not alot of people were there at the call time. 3 bands did Symphony of Destruction.Someone played JFAC and I felt like I was the only one in the crowd who knew the song.We played late and we were tired and only had a total time in the studio of 1 hour so yeah. Meh. There will be a next time or Ill start a gig. After the show Me , Chino, Arvin, and Dax had 2 bottles and were asked about the history of "That".

I just woke up and finally got a copy of Company of Heroes so expect my 5 hour first impressions on the game soon or if I'm lucky later.

I want peking duck again

If ever I don't get back to you just know that it's simply because I don't want to talk to you

2008-03-24T07:18:00.001-07:00

March 29 will be a reunion of sorts. It's also a gig but I like to think of it more as a little reunion that happens every 5 years. I was only given 10 days to prep up. It'll be a huge show. My last in this province maybe.

I still have Spams CD in my room.

Can't seem to move out.

~ Jay

A Decade

2008-03-13T09:49:00.002-07:00

Nowadays you don't find people like him.It's rare in this modern day that your not judging a person by the voice on the track or worse, that fake offstage persona of cool.That kind of person where they'll remember you if you cheer him on when he needs it , that kind of person cranking up his mic to the max drowning out everyone else around him to get that girl with that cute and revealing skirt to notice your time on the stage in hopes to get under that skirt later on, that kind of person that just doesnt follow the current trend.

He knows he's fighting an uphill battle and I can feel it. We both know he deserves it. I feel bad for breaking the promise with him that before he reaches the age of 25 he'll be where he should be. I feel helpless that because I didn't meet up to the star high standards of today.
Maybe ill try again.Maybe.But I dont even have to help him. He can make it without me. When he does, ill just catch up. then I dont know. Kick it like we used to do.

Like that time during my first year in olongapo and my first month of having a car. We went out drinking at this bar we hang out often with the older guys in the scene. Drinking I guess a little too much and about to drive then ending up taking a nap in our seats. The sun and early morning tricyles woke us up.

In that bar, me and him agreed to make a band. It was weird for me because I barely knew him at the time.What happend was I was asking for anybody to hangout but I guess nobody wanted to waste time on the new kid. Except him. Met outside the mall then he toured me around the town taking me to his favorite bar with a history close to him.Then in that night he entrusted me of bieng the frontman of the band. A few days later I really learned of the weight that was on me since hes a pretty well known guy around the scene. Its weird how he asked me to team up with him and start a new band.

For awhile it seemed strange to me why he stuck with me for that year. It made no sense to me at all and even today I don't know why he did stay. Even when there were times I was just horrible in the studio. What a crazy year that was.Of the best Ill have.

I miss that guy. I honestly do. I miss everything. I even feel honored that he wasted his time with me and continues to do so and im sorry for the wrong things ive done. Because in the end after everything that happend there, Hes still willing to waste time with me. I just hope hes doing fine where he is.

Its march 13

Happy birthday man. Your one of the best.

~Jay

No you talk to me before

2008-02-25T10:48:00.000-08:00

I ventured outside my house.At the province. I know. Wicked eh? Whats even more wicked-er where i've been going to for the past week. A computer shop. Yes even though I have the specs to play such good oldies as Silent Storm and Total Annihilation, I still went out , yes even with the sun out to pay to play games. What drove me out of the house? 40K Peso machines that could handle Supreme Commander on medium settings and Crysis on Low settings. Yeah I know it may not seem like much but im not much of a graphics whore anyway. I still play old games mind you.

It first begun when my sister told me of how my friends hangout would soon be getting a second floor and new PCs that could handle most of the new games coming out. Of course it got me excited. I mean, Itll be RTS and FPS heaven. Plus bieng that were friends with king and the rest of the guys, We got exclusive rights to those computers. Exclusive as in if I have a save data on PC 27 upstairs, King will tell the Poor sap to play downstairs on the smaller less exclusive-ly PCs. I get to boss people around! Not only was Supreme commander and Crysis installed but WoW too. Arvin spread the word on how Perfect World totally ripped off like, everything from WoW which got the online gamers curious. On the first day of playing they didnt know that theyve spent 6 hours playing. They told me that they usually limit themselves to just 3 hours of PW but with WoW they just let the Pcs go on open time.Which is cool since now It doesnt feel lonely playing in a guild of 4 since now were a guild of around 15. Being a console gamer for most of my life I felt more comfortable playing a game in the company of other people playing the same game.I havent partied with anybody yet because I have this habit of partying with just random people. One time someone tried to form a party with me and i started making small chat. Just asking him whats his quest. which it took him 10 minutes for him to reply " My quest is to kill more people". I asked him where oh fine sir will you kill more people for you quest? " In the town". I left after that. He was russian.

But Jay, you have 10 other people in the room playing the same game as you are, Why dont you party with them? Well , We were all pretty spread out and doing our own thing. Plus I partied with this one person from Singapore who for obvious reasons (female player) kept getting loads of free junk. We had a good 2 hour run until the shop closed down and I had to go home. Its weird how im told that WoW is a totally fun game even if you just solo and I was told to level up as fast as I can. For one thing, I dont like playing massive online games alone. I want to be in a party always. In a guild that actually feels like a guild. Always talking and planning. If I want to Solo in an RPG I might as well play what ever RPG there is on the playstation or PC. Thats why its called a Massively MULTIPLAYER role playing game. Those people running around and dancing naked in town are there to give the game a feeling of not bieng in a world alone. Not background decorations.Guild wars did the Solo thing pretty good putting you in a party with NPCs but its still not the same. But Guild Wars is a good game too. I might pick up on that again.Also, Dont tell me to reach a level as fast as I can. Am not playing it for a review and its not work. Ill reach level 40 on my own time because im having a blast playing Crysis.

Even on the lowest settings I heard alot of people really liking the graphics of the game. Guys would watch me play from behind and think that the new PCs are all that powerful when a friend of mine would tell them that its set on the lowest settings because the computer cant handle it. But it still impressed the hell out of alot of people. Me included. Though I wish i couldve cranked the settings higher since Crysis is a game thats been recofnized for how light breaks through the water and whatnot.I just finished it awhile ago and what a time I had until the ending. That ending just screams out "Expansion Pack Imminent". Why not just throw on the box art of "CRYSIS:EXPANSION" during the credits would you? Still, playing through it was fun. The A.I. was pretty good though during some scenes i would notice 2 Soldiers jumping over a fence over and over again. Probably an excercise they have to do when getting ready for the nanosuited assasin. A funny psyche out I did while playing was during the tank area , I shot a round at a mountain and the mountain was falling apart. Its a scripted event but everyone watching me play thought that I caused it to crumble. Lowest settings on a 40K machine. I have to say, the pop-in was pretty annoying and there was no depth of field vision or whatever its called working whenever you would switch attatchments on your weapon. I even got to play a little multiplayer with a bud at the shop. King hasnt installed the game on the other PCs but my friend had a blast playing the game and Kings predicting itll be the next counter strike of the shop.

I won my first match against Ivan who had a month of practice before me. I found it weird that I won since I was discovered first on the map. I Kinda turtled my way to victory though since I know that Ivans a rush player. Thats what happens when you leave an unattended Commander in the middle of your base. While I drew fire from the front I had some artillery hitting the economic side of the base. Then that commander went out like a nuke taking out almost the whole base with him.I like how it feels more like a strategy game because of the size of the maps. Most RTS games have pretty smallish maps or like in Rise of Nations limited points of access to the enemy base. Still had a good time with that.

For now im going back to playing Wow since everyone else seems to have reached my level. Well i let the play catch up since I was pretty busy playing Crysis. Even though I was bieng bugged for playing it coz im not leveling up in WoW.

Dude, its a game. Its meant to be like this. To just play and not worry about a quota. What the hell and to bug me that its a sad existence to be playing other games besides WoW all day? Playing World of Warcraft is still a game. I didnt laugh at you when you spent 500 hours or whatever playing Ragnarok , collecting prepaid cards and linking them on a chain and spending more cash on the rent when you coulda saved up all that cash to buy a better online game.But hell, if thats your trip, More EXP to you. Besides, My sister gave me 7000 gold. I think some of my works been done for me.Im still going to play because Its fun and I want a mount. Not because you told me to hurry and reach level 50. Kick me out of the guild, I dont care. Im not alone in that server.

D:

~ Jay

Starbucks and Space Pirates.

2008-02-04T10:22:00.000-08:00

Yeah. Moving out. SOON HOPEFULLY. I never realized how hard it is to find a place you'd want to spend possibly the rest of my days in. Ive browsed through websites and classified ads and had help from so many diffrent faces each with a suggestion of their own. But when it comes down to it, This is my cash. This is the place where I want to start the day. This is where I will dine and wine.This is where music will be made. This is where opinions will be shared. This is my heart finding a place to settle down. This is my choice. Sorry if I turned down countless possible locations but ultimatly it went down to a place that'll remind me of who I really am. Still that ripped jean wearing experimenting messy haired kid who has a heart 5 years older with a head still stuck in good times with un-fancy people. Yet with room to grow and much to observe and lessons to learn. A place that can lead me anywhere yet will be easy to find back to. A place convieniant to all my needs. A place that can be reached by the most awesome friends I've had for the past 5 years.This is my Home and inside those walls will begin another chapter of this life.

We've gone through that before. Lets go on with what happend.

Last thursday, I tried applying for a job. It was a rush I admit. But the pay was pretty good so I was told.My first resume was pretty much empty. Empowerment training? Achievements? I have attained none of thse. All I had was a lil' spot of previous work experience that said "officer in charge" of my familys business. Yet that only lasted a month.Should I have joined the reading club back in intermediate school? Should I have taken up the Mathletes? Oh wait, there was this one time where I got a lil certificate of reading more than i should be reading back in grade 2. Hey dont get me wrong I love reading. Its just that I was always forgetting to have my mom sign this lil paper noting on how many hours ive spent reading that night. I only got one lil award for the possible 200 or so I could've had. Look at my glasses. The prescribed thickness of these lens were given to me during the first 3 months of grade 3 due to reading under a dim lamp and gaming with a really really small TV.I wasn't those trendy Goosebump books that every other kid was reading. I was into the heavier stuff without pictures but due to my somewhat diminished memory capability I can't seem to remember the titles of those books. One was about a group of forest animals losing their source of food located at a farm owned by three nasty brothers (hey, that was how they described villians back then) , Starving for days until a fox found a way to Super Stealth Mission below the farms to feed the rest of the animals. I due recall Mr. fox bieng really close to death. The shotgun barrel only took of his tail. I remember during Christmas gift exchange time that I had to give a gift to my teacher. I got a random box of chocolate, Which turns out to be her favorite and her giving me a book titled "The Big Bazoohey" A nice story of a boy bieng kidnapped to win a Perfecto Kid contest.Yet after all this reading, I still have no proof besides my glasses that I've actually done it. Hence, the blank spot on my resume.I still printed it out.

I finally met mark. Like Ron, after 5 years of knowing him through the power of the internet. Not before getting lost at the station.I never ran out of things to tell him that day. He was impressed by how many diffrent accents and I can do and characters I can sound like. Was this my only talent that I dont practice at? When we got to the site of where I would be working all I could be heard saying was " This is what a city should look like". Tall buildings, cleanliness in the streets, no homeless, no jeeps. That was the enviroment I could wake up to and go to everyday. I think.

I wore my polo shirt and faded jeans and had a skate bag. My hair was frizzy and I was mildly sweating from the heat. I have forgotten that First impressions last. Yet the nice lady at the front told me that I can easily pass with the way my tongue rolls off words.Unfortunatly I didn't bring my Immigrations card or working Visa with me. Hey, How was I supposed to know? This is my first real job im applying for. So even though the nice lady said I pretty much have the job I cant even get a lousy interview since im an alien. Marks interview starts in 3 hours. What do we do to kill time?

We eat lunch at the mall foodcourt then chill at Starbucks. I can already feel my soul being sucked away with each delicious sip of this icy coffee beverage where other suits hang out with their pricey drinks and pricey cigarettes gabbing away on pricey cellphones about pricey cars.Me and Mark just talk about our common love for taking back sunday and predicting the future of the scene.Over Starbucks coffee.Delicious Starbucks Coffee.

Interview starts. Bye Mark.

Hey, Im in the city, Ill hang with another person. Oh well fuck he gets out of class at 7:30. Now I have 4 hours to kill. Yet I dont want to stray too far from Mark. I spend 4 hours in the mall getting lost and sitting down at the arcade. Please note that the night before I couldnt fall asleep. More on that later. The arcade was pretty boring actually. Too rectangular for my tastes. No Virtua Fighter, Usual crowd hovering over Tekken 6 and racing stuff. The only things that catch my eye are the pinball machine and a tennis game. I didnt play neither since the pinball machine had a Lord of the Rings theme and there was an intense tennis match going on. I choose to sit down at the broken Daytona racing machine. A few minutes later a rather pretty lady sits next to me and starts playing. Obviously her first time to play something so old yet she drops down a bunch of tokens on the dashboard and asks me how to play. I didnt know how so i scoot off to the seat next to me. Were there signs? Did I miss out? Meh. Leave me alone woman, Im watching someone play that shooting game where you have to physically move to dodge.

I do that for the next 4 hours with occasional breaks to look for a decent bookstore.

Its finally time to hang and i get lost again. Hey theres a huge National bookstore right next to the place and I've never been inside that mall. How would I know that I've been at the wrong place for the past 20 mins. Go in. Smile. It's Igi. We always text each other but since im always at the country we dont get to hang out that much so yeah just bieng with him and talking about random stuff is awesome. The mall was near empty and we go to the top floor to meet the other people who Ill be hanging out with more once I move.

Im so obvious that Im from the country. Half the introduction with everyone ends up with me gazing at the cityline of lights.Hey, I dont get a view like that everyday. Enjoy it. Oh and btw, We ended up at starbucks again.The guys were just great to talk to. I don't get to be in a group and talk about comics and gaming alot and not just discussing Spider-man flicks and DotA. Mark and me meet up at the place too but he had to go soon. Its parting time and I have to take the train. Me and Igi say our goodbyes and minutes later I say hello to a crowded train. I hate this. I am definitly moving to walking distance of work. Fuck the train and the ladies complaining out loud and the guys with huge arms in my face.Get off. Finally. Can Breathe. Ok. Go.

Where do I go? I got off at unfamiliar territory at night. "Follow the crowd" kept playing in my head. I follow. I get lost. Oh, over pass. Use it. minutes later I ask a cop how to get to my stop. I take the jeep and what do you know it takes me way too far then my intended stop. I read the little sign right but didnt know where to get off. Thanks alot Mr.Driver sir. But a nice lady tells me how to get to my destination. Luck out. No bus. Looks like im staying at the city for the night. Good thing mark lets me stay at his place for the night, But even getting there in a cab I get lost. The driver was nice though ,Letting me have a discount since he got lost too. As soon as i get to his place I hear the squeals of pigs dying. This will be intresting. Ive never had to listen to death while I sleep. Before we try to sleep we continue where our talk awhile ago left off. Music and how fame fucked me over and how he never sought it, Torrents and how to use the damn thing, awesome funny on youtube and how our lives were off the computer. Oh and his mom told mark that I sound look and act like his cousin. Neat.

The next afternoon after browsing a few possible places to stay at for a month with no luck I board another stupid train and then the bus home where my mom cooked a fab dinner which was saying something like "good luck with work when you get it". Thanks for the steak mom.

Also this past month My heart has been in 8 places and all coming back more hurt then the last. God damn it. When I move I just want to settle down with a girlfriend and We would shop for Force Unleashed and just stare at the box before buying it and on the way home we would never let go of it. We would then have to deciede on who gets to play first by a match of Super Smash Bros Brawl and if she wins she'll Dance with joy while pumping fists everywhere wearing my the smile I love. Then she'd cuddle with me and we'd play that game for the whole day then watch the movies until we fall asleep then we'd talk about why Boba Fett is so popular and laugh at how 2 guys grab each other when having the force used on them. Before we climb into bed we'll set Cat Power on repeat on the stereo. Then we'd kiss before sleep.

I have been told countless times that a girl like this does not exist. I wish they will be proven wrong.

This weeks GFW Radio Podcast was too quiet. I request more funny on Shawn Elliots part.

Aicha gave yet another drawing of me and one that is worthy for bieng my primary picture on my profile. Oh and she has taught me how to request hentai from SLAVE on the 4chan forums. So thats were she gets her weirdness. From a fucking forum.

Thats all I have to talk about for now. I am getting sleepy and me and kat are sad. T.T

See you in the city

~ Jay

HAPPY MOAN DAY

2008-01-06T18:09:00.002-08:00

Well, one week after new years eve and we are all still functional. No civilization threatening computer virus this year! But there will be another

So I just wanna start with what I hope I'll be doing this year. Well, I've been informed that I shall be moving to my new place by the end of march. Yes, it has been unfortunaly pushed back from the supposed early feb date but im still ok with the location and that I may be able to see the city from the 34th floor. Really can't wait for that. Also I'm hoping to start a podcast like thing.Iunno, I love to just talk about things and I'd like to be heard anyway. Actually, My fave podcast has been getting more plays this past month then most of the songs in my iPod.I just need to assemble a crack addict team of people to talk about music, games , comics, and whatever.Also planning on getting my own pc and maybe just be a pure PC gamer of sorts. Iunno, I guess its because of the PC RTS games ive been playing nowadays and I cant get enough of it. But that would be boring to just stick to one platform eh? Maybe a 360 and just buy Bioshock and Skate. Would also like to get a synth for the project I'll be doing. hoping we'll be able to get on the rooftop and just jam. That would be cool. Also planning on buying a grill. Not the cheap isaw grill, I was thinking those domed ones.I just think it would be cool to just throw a a small party where everyone BYOBs and Ill get the beer. That would be cool. Well for me. other plans for the new year, Maybe pick up Dungeons and Dragons. Well, Camille wants to play and why not join in? I tried to warn her about the game but shes really into it. Might as well join in so her cash doesnt go to waste. So I may be the chill at home kind of guy this coming year.But i still want to just hang out and have a brodeo alot. i musnt talk about this much. Jinxing is bad.

Fruity loops. The lil bugger that. It wont crack with a XP os so im hoping when I get my new pc, itll be with vista or something. But ive had fun with it. Ive even practiced a lil rap with the beat i made. But i forgot what i said. So yeah, Rap Master Rapes alot I wont be soon. Maybe for the better.

Just clocked in about 50 hours with Final Fantasy Tactics. Just got Balthier and even though you hated him in FF12, its worth getting him just to see the awesome cutscenes. Plus it isnt even that hard! Go balthier go! I've stuck with Ramza beng a ninja who can equip swords since hes pretty much doing 500 damage in one attack now. But that dark knight job is tempting. Ive actually played more of the game now compared to back then when it was on the PS1. I really really like how they Retranslated much of the game and the beautiful cutscenes. Imagine a game just using that art style. Maybe for Vagrant story? Hoo yeah.

Me and the family went to Greenhills a few days ago. I didn't have to but I really needed a new cap and it turns out my lil sis isnt even looking for anything.Also, I was thinking if I should go or not. I just installed the expansion for Rise of Nations. But, yeah, Vanity shopping time. I saw a few caps , but , well, thing is, im not much of a clothes shopper or whatever and im extremly shy about having to look at a mirror first to make sure its the one i want when theres people around at the star. So I ended up not buying a cap there. We had an early dinner at this Japanese resturant that was pretty lame. But for everyone else with me, it was entertaining. It was probably just the rolling sushi conoveyour belt or whatever. The menu didnt really excite me and the food was pretty plain. and no okonomiyaki! How coould they?We then went by the Krispy Kreme Drive Thru at greenhills, where my brother and both sisters bought 2 boxes each. Ok thats alot of donuts. Ok so the orginal glazed donuts are ok with me once you leave it in the fridge. The thing that gets at me with the shop is I've noticed that there are people taking pictures of themselves at the place, taking pictures while eating the donut, while dunking it in the coffee or just the box itself. I've seen something silimiar before with startbucks. I think we know where this is going. Reminds me of a story I've heard, where a group of guys are hanging at a starbucks and they just sat there and talked for hours and all they ordered was one cup of coffee which they shared between themselves. ugh. Those people. After that we went to Sm North where my sis deceided to buy something. At American Blvd. Well, it could be just the way I see it, but I consider that shop to be the Hot topic for the local people. So i went in with my sister and well what do you know, just the cap i was looking for. Ugh. I know there isnt stuff like this at the province im at.I know, coz ive circled the thrift stores here like a vulture.I swallowed my pride and bought the cap. Hopefully my head doesnt become full of a sudden urge to listen to only red jumpsuit apparatus.We then walked around and I made it a habit to just put my arm around her and my head on top of hers and ask her out loud to the world "Where are we going ol' buddy ' ol pal" which really annoyed her which in turn made me so happy.

Go out mall. Go to car. Get stuck in traffic. Sleep. wake up to bumpy provinc road. Try to sleep. Wake up at home. Play Rise of Nations till morning. Sleep.

Was just browsing youtube and ran across a video of that old Super Mario Bros Super show and while I was watching the intro The lyrics started popping up in my head. Oh god I had memorized it. Does anybody know the saturday morning Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon? The one with Sally and the freedom fighters? I still got the lyrics remembered too. Oh and saw an anime of Kirby. Yeah the pink marshmallow who I love. In the episode I watched he goes on a rampage after bieng possesed by a devil frog. About a minute and 20 seconds in the show the I got freaked. Youtube it.

Anybody remember a 2nd generation PS2 game by the name Skygunner? Yeah saw that on youtube too.Man was that a game. I really liked the art style and the plane designs too. Also the way you lock on resembles the Z-lock of the Zelda games on the N64. really fun game. I remember going to my friends house and when he let me play, I just couldnt put down that controller. Yeah it took about like 5 hours or something. But that was on the medium level. I havent played as that violet haired kid yet. Maybe ill torrent it. But im not even sure alot of people played it.

Speaking of weird hair colors, On youtube again, I saw this girl named kirbyangel with purple hair which turns out to be webcam tricks. If anybody knows how to do what she does, leave a comment.

I havent slept yet. My insomnias pretty bad now. I pretty much sleep when it hits 10 in the morning now. I guess im pretty built for the call center thing. I even tried drinking myself to sleep but I didnt have enough alcohol on hand to knock me out.Lately ive been waking up at 9 Pm. Dang I dont even get to see my mum anymore and I think my sister is suspecting im doing drugs all night.

Rise of Nations. Fans of the Rts game Age of Empires and the turn based strategy game Civilization should like this. Well, I havent played Civilization much, although I would love to and I wasnt much of a fan for the 6 resource gameplay of age of empires.But RON has got me up all night playing. Though I havent really perfected the game yet I still really enjoy it. I still dont know what size an army should be to be effective and how to best use the army. It also kinda blows that artillery is pretty much useless against infantry. I've also been playing Dawn of War again and gave a copy to my friend so that when the day comes that we shall go into battle, I may have a challange. The thing i love about this game is the whole aggressiveness of the battle. i really doubt youll win if you just sit at home base and turtle. You gotta go out there and get your hands dirty by capturing objectives, which leads to very early skirmishes. Also bieng able to engage in melee combat and the terrain cover is good too. Its even got great big ol bashers for the show. Nothing like seeing a giant demon rip your whole army in half.Im mainly a Space Marine player because theyre able to adapt to almost any situation on the fly. Orc horde rushing your cover? Equip the squad with heavy bolters and cut em loose. too much heavy infantry? Get those plasma guns ready. Tanks? Missles!

Havent gone back to icewind dale too much lately. But I made a party with a Bard instead of a healer cleric for support. It's pretty hard at the start of the game since you barely have enough spells or any good spells and have to go against hordes or orcs and goblins which is just nasty. My previous party had 2 wizards but i figured since sorcerers and bards share the same stat for spells, it should work out once i multiclass. Also added in a monk. Just for the kicks. ugh. I didnt mean to type that. It was an accident i swear.

Lil angel is pretty brainwashed by jollibee now. She always wants to watch jollibee, always wants to go there and whatnot. I wish she took a liking for iunno, burger king or something. The bee is a genuis.

Lets see, Love life? None. Next

Oh, speaking of love life HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO IGIBOY AND LINDALIN.

Its the first monthsary, we gotta make it special eh? But its a long distance relationship. I mean, what do you do when your feeling especially horny in the morning? Fuck a watermelon? Anyway, Best wishes to you and to all of your multiverse selves.

Continue broadcast.

You know, If the scarf or whatever the kids call it these days ( i was told its a massive hanky for people with colds) dont suit you , dont try to make it suit you. You make yourself look like your from some rebellion and dont get all smart ass with me saying its a fashion revolution and why is it bieng picked up now? There were girls donning the oversized hankys years ago.

Hey, it came true. When i left the internet (haha) i posted up a bulletin on why i would be leaving and what i thought would happen to the scene in the later years. there were plenty that came true and lets add in another thing that i predicted, where the fashion will become more important than the music itself. Dang politics. I shoulda wrote a book. I coulda made millions. I remember saying alot of things in that post that became true, but i guess i was just stating the obvious back then. Wow. Im proud of myself. Im a scene prophet. woot.

Really cant wait until i move out of here and to my new apartment. cant wait to get away from some of the worst people ive met during my stay at both olongapo and bataan. Looking foward to hanging out with the people who ive really been talking alot to lately.When i move ill be taking everything in my room with me. The posters, the cabinets and drawers , the bed. Just take it all with me and hopefully not come back. The other day when i was thinking of this, I looked in my room and remembered how I was such an angsty and self hating kid back then , putting up skate posters on the wall and playing avail and taking back sunday at full blast.Im going to miss that room. Cycle of life i guess.

Oh and did you check that Duke Nukem trailer? I was never really into him anyway. I just didnt get what was funny about him.

Oh! Really excited about the new Protest The Hero album coming out real soon. Jan 29. Theres a video out for the song Bloodmeat and its really good. Well, like i said, ive been listening to a whole bunch of podcasts lately, so i cant do a music rant this time. Oh but Ive also been listening to something called seric that i grabbed off myspace.

Well i guess thats all ive got to talk about for now. If you wanna talk just leave a comment here By the way, if you wanna join the podcast, just comment. Thanks for reading this piece of shit and beware of modded Budokai games posing as tenkaichi 3 plus! Still waiting for a certain package! Takes too long! argh! Starting to get sleepy anyway.

~ Jay

2007-12-29T09:59:00.000-08:00

I am typing this at 2 A.M. Sunday, December 30. For the past few days I've been waking up at
4 in the afternoon. Staying up all night because whenevery body sleeps, i get to have pretty much the house to myself. It grows louder each night with the coming fireworks war that is New Years Eve and during this time where I can hang out with everyone else freely since it's their vacation time, My sleep schedule is really backwards. This will end soon. I wont be such a slacker next year. I swear! I'm looking foward to the coming year. For opportunities and chances Ill be able to take and to prove what I can really do. Ill be moving soon enough and I can't wait.

Alot of supid shit happend this year. Things I would rather not repeat and even though it makes me shake my head at the thought of it I'd still like to keep it as a memory. A reminder of sorts. I have plans for the next year and the experience to help me through it.

I had a good run in the year 2007 and lost alot in it too.

~ Wordless right now, Jay

2007-12-17T08:23:00.000-08:00

I just remembered this conversation me and Jois had over dinner at my place back then.

Jay : Bree bree breeee bree breeeee bree?
Jois : Broo Broo
Jay : Breee breee breee???
Jois : Broo
Jay : Bree Breee! Breeee Bree Breee Breeeee Bree, Breee Breee Breeee Bree Bree!!!
Jois : Broo Broooo Brooooooo. Broo Brooo Brooo Broooooo Broo
Jay : Bree Bree...

Jois wasnt having the best of days, hence her unwillingness to talk about it over her food.

An Aicha Appears

2007-12-17T06:55:00.000-08:00

Throw Axe at Aicha

So a few nights ago we had my first online call to someone and I sang brand new and played some explosions in the sky-sy geetar work and this went on for almost 3 hours in which she only said like, 6 diffrent things. Now im kinda of in a panic because just awhile ago, i got an offline msg saying that i was mentioned in someones Live journal. Well i dont know anybody who has an LJ. which is making me very excitable. Its probably some really nasty remark about me anyway. But the thought of it not bieng something really nasty about me is making me run around the house screaming "IM FAMOUS MA!"

Oh look

A Dong appears

Throw Axe at Dong

I'd Like "S" Words for $200 please

2007-12-11T06:58:00.000-08:00

Just got home from Balanga with Pepay. Great girl she is and with a snazzy belt that I'd love to have. Its a belt with the Famicom controller and she D.I.Y'd it. I've seen belts like these over at some other websites and I'm expecting alot more people are going to copy what she has. Geeky Scene kids going to make a comeback? Meh. Everyone else is too cool for that nowadays. We tried looking for a cap for me since I gave my previous cap to Septi for a belated B-Day gift But to no avail, Couldn't find any and I don't know where the night market is. While I was at the area I got to hang out at the new skate spot And to my slight dissapointment, There were only 3 guys left from my days still skating. It sucks that I didnt come back to them as the rockstar they had hoped I would be but I guess just bieng there was good enough for them. It seems like the scene at balanga is starting to grow.

So I got a bunch of neat gifts and from what my cousin told me, More will be coming. A Digicam is one so expect more pictures to appear from me. Though its not that fancy, It will do for just snapping pictures left and right.Also received Guitar Hero 3 and might I say, It's pretty damn hard now. Its a Kramer Styker model and its really nice looking. Also got Animal Crossing for the DS. Yes I love it and my neighbors and wish that if anybody else has this game, Let's visit each others town. My sister also got a copy and it just started snowing today. Fun! Love rolling up snowballs and just awhile ago I was really close to catching a Dungbeetle. Also got a hold of Final Fantasy Tactics for the PSP. I really like how they rewrote it to actually make it more understandable and I was always a fan of the world of Ivalice. Out of all the universes of Final Fantasy, Ivalice is the one that I always look foward to. I think a sequel for Vagrant Story would be good or how about a remake of Vagrant Story for the PSP and a sequel on the PS3? But I've read a feature on 1up about the Final Fantasies and they said that since the original creator of the Ivalice world has already left, It would be better off if they end that universe. Oh well. I am still waiting for Final Fantasy Tactics A2. I've also wasted a whole lot of time playing a 3 year old game, Star Wars : Knights of the old Republic 2 and I love this game even though it has its share of problems.

Oh , I almost forgot. I was at a party recently in this province. My friend had me go with him since he had no one to go with. I wasnt even ready and I didnt even know who was the host but since i know some people there, i thought hey, i might as well just see whats up with them.It turned out it was also the Friendster group Bataan Bands Eyeball as well. Which meant that i would be in a place where about 95% of the people are complete strangers to me. The meeting place would be at Calois house whos a pretty well known drummer here and has seen me around olongapo before. Even though we barely talked he gave a pretty warm reception to me at his place. Arjee , My Former schoolmate , was also there. I've heard that alot of people really like his band. The others got to ride in an airconditioned van while me arvin some random chick and 2 dudes had to get lost with a tricycle.Oh well. Wasn't even invited anyway. Well I had fun there drinking beer with Caloi and 2 dudes who are friends with arvin and we even got to take a bottle of some hard stuff with us and drink more at my place. Not so bad.

Well as you can probably tell im not up for alot of blogging tonight. I guess my minds somewhere else still. Probably still thinking bout the ice cream me and pepay had. Awfully sweet. So ill just leave you guys now and I shall return to the world of Ivalice.

~ Jay

2007-12-03T11:21:00.000-08:00

Yipee, My mom will be ariving later. Business trip slash hang with relatives kind of thing. Cant wait which is why im up now. So well probably just go into random ranting tonight.

Dang its cold nowadays. You can go out at night with a jacket on and not be laughed at nowadays.

I fianlly got a copy of Final Fantasy Tactics : War of the Lions. I remember back in the day how i spent my summer vacation pretty much just locked up in my room playing Final Fantasy, Legend of Legia, Skate And Destroy and Metal Gear. Really brings back good times. The music is still intact and the translation is much much better. Truth be told, Midway in the game for the PS, I was pretty confused on what the hell was going on.Seeing plenty of slowdown though. Much more then the original version. This wont be leaving the PSP for awhile.

It seems like im the only one listening to podcasts within my small circle of friends. So discussing this would be pretty pointless but anyway, The Podcasts I really listen to almost of a daily basis are mostly the 1up networks podcasts. I just like the feel of it, where they dont seem like its entirely scripted *CoughAltPressCough* it just sounds like a normal conversation between people who also love games. Yes i know podasts are supposed to be like radio in your ipod but id rather have someone not talking to me wtih radio banter and soundeffects going on. From GFWs often offtopicness to SeanBabys sexual inneundos and ode to old schol adventure games, its all good. With a touch of Crispen Boyers Game.com batman and robin. But if you reccomend any other podcast, feel free to go ahead and tell me about it.

Changed my YM a few days back. I dont normally do make new accounts in anything but i noticed that most people on my old account dont even talk to me anyway.Speaking of that, Aicha promised to make me a new doodle in celebration of me having black hair. Love her drawings so looking foward to that.

So yeah, i guess thats all there is to talk about at the moment. its 4 am and im stil playing FFT. Hoping Front Mission 3 will come out for the PSP.

~ Jay

Hop

2007-11-30T02:00:00.000-08:00

So by now I think it's safe to say that most blogs bieng updated today that has a drop of pinoy blood in it will be talking about the recent events of the manila hotel takeover by rebel soldiers and how the government put up a midnight to 5 am curfew. I guess I might as well voice out my opinion on the whole matter too since my freedom of speech will soon be taken away by martial law "so they say".

First off if you dont know what happend that day, Theres a Wiki about it already. It was posted just minutes after trillanes gave up. Apprently there were rumors going around that he may try to cause an uprising again since the website supporting him posted something saying that he and his group have taken the hotel. Oh and cause they said so on the news, cause we all know that everything on the news is true.

I have to say they used alot of firepower to siege a hotel with 30 soldiers. Some who arent even armed. There were APCs busting through the door, Tear Gas and trucks of soldiers and multiple warning shots. Allright I agree, It was Overkill. There were clearly civilians still inside, but getting the Magdalo group was more impotant then the media still trapped inside and the staff of the hotel. They probably didnt see the ones inside as Hostages so they didnt call for serious negotiations. But they are innocent, about to be in the line of fire. Their line of fire too. Yet they didnt delay the deadline due to innocent bystanders in the hot zone, they didnt use other methods to storm the building, they didnt even give the media inside instrucions on what to do or where to hide. Later on in the night, They arrested the media. Which caused a huge fuss around. Saying that the govt is attacking the presses freedom to have the truth be told, saying that it was unfair that theyre innocent but are now bieng detained.

So would you rather have the witnesses of what happend, the eyes and ears of what happend in the scene to be just let loose? to possibly be rubbed out or silenced? Lets seperate movies and real life here , After a "Crisis" like this , Its normal for the people who were a part or who are witnesses to be questioned of what went on inside. They dont get to hug theyre loved ones and fade to black yet. Theres still the matter of questioning them on what happend inside. The peoples reaction is like saying that they think they ones who saw the crime happend should be let go instead of giving more information to the proper authorities.

But yeah , Still sucks that the press didnt go out when they should've and are complaining now. But it was said that theyve been witnesses to wars so they probably knew what they were getting into. Wait, did they complain when a bomb went off near their location? As seen on GMAs commercial.

Or did the Magdalo group asked them to stay, so that they would be first hand witnesses to the ruthless methods of the govt? Well some people said the leaders a real psycho. Media used as human shields?

I just turned on to see the news and yes, by the time you're reading this, the curfew is off. Boy did that get everybody panicky. A lot of fuss for 5 hours of not going out when you should be sleeping or inside the safety of your home anyway.It wasn't even a weekend. Yeah why are you getting pissed off at the govt for imposing a curfew on a weekday. As of now the gig will still take place and you can go out and party at your cool party and get drunk with cool drinks with cool people to be cool and in. Because thats what the youth is about nowadays isnt it? Not bieng able to get drunk on a weekday is so uncool nowdays. So im guessing that what my friend said, about 9/10 people not understanding the word "temporary", is true?

But why have a curfew anyway? As a very nice lady said on the news, just put up checkpoints. Stricter checkpoints, not the ones where they have Mobiles and stop signs but you can drive right by.

Im guessing people got scared of the curfew since they thought it would be a step closer to Martial Law. And I admit, it crossed my mind. I mean, I still wanna live the life here. But GMA cannot have martial law in this day and age. She can try to hold on to her seat, but she just cant have martial law now. The very thought of it bieng implemented in this day and age is absurd. She would be ruining her and her countrys reputation. Theyre are people everywhere saying that GMA is nothing more then a american cocksucker, But they get scared when she does something that will tarnish her connections with the foriegn powers.

But as i said, She'll do whatever it takes to hold on to her position. So could it be possible?

Theyre are more people just sitting back in the comfort of their home cuddled with their loved ones complaining about how the govt should change and how someone should do something about it. Now someone did. But now we hve people hating that person for taking action, Action that they themselves wont do even though they want it to happen, Against the person that they hate. I was once a person who complaind about this country so much. But a friend set me straight , telling me if i want change then go fucking change it or help in the change. I complained about how dirty this place is, but I was littering. I didnt plant a tree, I didnt sweep the road. I was wrong by not helping out when i wanted a change. So I just shut up now because I dont want to get too involved with the matter. So don't expect me to be in rallys or other activist stuff. I leave it up to the people who know what theyre doing to help in the change. I am just an observer with opinions and negative and positive thoughts on both sides.

In other words, Id rather not jump on the hate bandwagon. You go on ahead , I still have catching up to do on WoW. Oh wait, im already on the bandwagon for complaining about people jumping on the hate bandwagon. Hypocrite!

Oh and Even our countries newest national hero has something to say about this whole situation. Something that goes like "M**** Supports The movement for better transperancy but disagress with Trillanes methods. "MasButi pa magboxing na lang sila"

Can you guess this hero? XD

So yeah , due to all of whats happening, Me moving out could be pushed back to janurary. A couple of friends already found places for me and im hoping that theyre still vacant by the time This cools down. Ah hope.

Hope ryhmes with I want this to start and I can help make It start but instead i choose to sit down and "Hope".

I hope that theres no martial law?

Im thinking of having a little indie/electronica/pop project when I move out.Id like to throw in a bunch of violins too. Thing is I dont know much about home recording and what ill need. So help would really go a long way. Ive already written a some lyrics while I sit down at my temporary job.My friend agreed to help out since all the hardcore is killing him. I agree too. Itll be a nice change of pace for me. Of course im still going to attend loud shows.

Oh december is coming soon. Ok just let me put this out real quick , I think its a bit funny when a product has a label that says that theyve been making the product for 50 years. Well hepatitis has been around for a millenia and that aint getting much credit. Beware buyer guides.

I was thinking just now, You know there are kids that dont listen to certain music coz theyre parents listen to it? like, Spoon automatically becomes uncool when you find out dad likes it? I was thinking that if i have a kid, i can make her music tastes become better by singing living la vida loca when she starts blaring it our on the player.

Oh and my friend recently discovered the wowness of WoW. just now. after I told him about it 2 years ago. Bieng the cheap starving geeks we are, we decieded to to play it on a private server. Ok so it lags like hell and some quests are buggy, but its free. Ill probably go retail when I get an actual job. But for now were playing on Wowscape private servers on the blizzlike realm. Username is Botchla, For the Horde!Oh and playing CS 1.6 on GG client. That whole hotel siege thing reawakend the CSer in me. Haha. Username : Botchedup. See ya there. Maybe ill get War Rock too. But meh, its like a downgraded Battlefield.

Yeah I kinda have a small obsession for all things that sound or is somehow related to Botch.You firgure it out.

So yeah, thats all I have on my mind right now thats actually comprehendible.That doesnt happen very often! Remember kids, on a weekday, your supposed to be sleeping by 12 anyway.Ill write again soon! unless Martial law kills off the nets.Please donate some cash to me! I dont get paid for this! Im so hungry!

~ Jay

He has awaken from the nightmare

2007-11-10T10:08:00.000-08:00

In about two weeks, It'll be a whole year since ive stepped foot on stage with my band. During the wait and the promises ive held on to , Nothings happend with my life. Still haven't finished college , Still no work. Ill be 20 soon. I wont be a kid anymore.

Still, I hold on to the dream I've had ever since i was threw myself into the scene. The dream where I can live without to beieng yelled at by some Boss I'll have to be working for. I wont even have to work in an office. The dream I've had where I'm writing music not just to let out all of these words i have to say that's been held up inside me for so long , But because there is a kid listening to the story of my life and thinking to himself, That his is'nt so bad after all. The dream I've had where I can go back to the places of the past that nearly killed me , Smile and say that I've won. The dream where when all of this is over, I'm glad that people still look up to me as bringing a change of pace to their lives and to the scene we come back to everyday for our own reasons.

It's not happening to me in the town that I love. The town where I've shown how much I can love and where I've shown how bitter I can be when you choose to just throw me away. The town where the most awesome drama stories have happend to me. Ive been through alot over there. Betrayal and Acceptance and the like. I love every day of it. Be it a good day or not, Its nice to know that when I wake up, I'll have another story to tell.

But no more. My names already been to messed up there. I've waited for something to happen but its just not happening. People move on and go farther away from where they've come from in hopes of the satisfaction that they are looking for. Move to greener grass or taller buildings. Searching and searching and searching for a place that we can call home for our hearts and where there are no days that bring nothing but gray skies.

But what if im wrong about all of this. Bah. It's a gamble that I'll have to take again. Just like I did when I first moved into the town. Besides, It's not like Im that important to the people Im leaving. I wasn't sought after when I didnt tell anyone where my new apartment was.I didnt get any calls from people looking for me. I'm not missed.

So I've made the choice. I'm moving to the city. Start over fresh. Again. Just like before. Meet new people and people who I was supposed to meet years ago. Boy. Thats alot. I'll be looking foward to it. But as always at the last moment Ill get nervous like I was back then when I had to join the spelling bee. Oh, Bad memories. Moving on.

So, Its been more than a month since I've Bogged. What has happend in that span of time?

Xed and Carlos and Jek are A-Holes.

End.

Lets keep it at that.

Well that's all I have on my mind at the moment. Just had to tell the world I'll be moving out of that town soon. So hope to see most of you soon.

~ Jay

Megapod!

2007-09-20T09:38:00.000-07:00

Well, The band I was in is officially no more. Not really bitter about it since I didnt like the attitdude and directions that the others were going into.Time to start something new.

Lets chalk another one on the wall for Runaways crashing at my apartment. This time Plus two! welcome Carlos and Xed From Quezon City. Carlos and me go back when i was staying at manila. We had a band and he played bass for it. Xed is his wife. With a third strong eye i might add.

So i missed out on aichas visit to manila but at least i went to Septs birthday party at some chinese resturant. It was funny when we got there coz i remember the first time i went there was years ago before we went to some gig. i was with Jun (fishbone) at the time for the band Bad Omen And wouldnt you know, the chicken there is still good. It was pretty fun but there wasnt any drinking on that night and i had to go back to olongapo as soon as possible since that was the day my two friends came over.

Also long time veteren of the olongapo scene started hanging out at my place. Hes the guy who introduced us to the magic of skimboard And hes got plenty of stories to tell like how gay some teams were and how bad leadership is.The more i start hanging around with new people the more i find out that the kids here who mail me bombs just do excatly that. Send you hate but not up to your face.

So a few nights ago there was this show at olongapo. Jek's production so ill show up for the support.call time is 6 but the bands didnt show up until 8. Thats just how it is here. almost no one shows any actual support for the production people. Try to get in free , watch your friends band play, if you get lucky and hook up bring her to the after party at your friends place and talk about how great you think you are and bring up issues about people and plan for the whole rockstardom you think you deserve.Why doesnt anybody wanna play first? Whats with the whole gate crash mentality? The gigs at olongapo are just a gathering of friends. Support this support that but you dont really take it to head right?Maybe its due to the place bieng pretty small, so the faces start getting familiar when you start hanging out alot more often. Competition , yes competition, was stupid since 3 bands played "Face Down".Just because you were first in line doesnt mean you made the song so dont think your famous or even getting there. I know this blog will be read around , but if you cant handle the criticism, dont fucking start a band.

i am neautral on the whole "is there really a god" thing. So keep me out of your debates and such. Yet at my Apartment im hearing things from both parties against each other. Im in the middle of it again. One calls the other crazy for believing in what she believes in, the other calls him a poseur for calling himself vegan since 2nd year but eating dairy products. Its not totally a whose god is more powerful thing but more like just bashing each other. its pretty stupid yeah but if things go out of hand oh well. Its still funny that the lies keep coming in and he doesnt know i can see through them.

Ill have to pass on allnighter of blogging, even though i have the oppurtunity, ill be busy getting back all the videos and music i lost. Yeah stupid ipod had a malfunction and i had to get rid of everything. gnyt yall. i havent slept since i got here 2 days ago. Ill take a nap first.

~Jay

P.S. Today is Oct 2. This shouldve been me and jois' anniversary. Oh well

2007-09-02T11:40:00.000-07:00

Matyus birthday had to be a blast.I mean, it should be right? It should be beer flowing everywhere, girls giving him lapdances and everybody getting high on grade A weed. He is after all the big brother of the scene over there at manila. Also starting his new job sometime this week and hes 25. So why no lapdances? But its all cool even if there wasn't any. Right? Anyway, happy birthday Mat. Keep being yourself.

For a while, I thought I wouldn't make it to the show where he's hanging out at. I was really close to just going back to my place and think of what to do. I missed my bus , It's my other friends birthday and my friend from Manila who i used to be bandmates with is arriving here at olongapo. I was really close to missing that last trip and i didn't even know how to get to the show from wherever that bus would be dropping me off. Good thing Ron lives close by to the station. Totally awesome dude he is. Knew him for probably around 3 years through the powers of the internet. Yeah and we just met last week at another show i was at. He's cool but a lost a bit of his J-Rock image since he doesn't go out anymore.But when i met him in person it was like we really knew each other. Talked about the old times of multiply and about certain people who pull shit out of their asses to make themselves look cool. He even let me crash at his place. Before we went to the show where mats hanging at we went to his place first to drop off my bad. I'm mentioning this since maybe some people wondered why I didn't have a bag like i usually do. I just got a bit tired of having everyone stuff their stuff into my extra large skate backpack.Its actually kinda funny how 4 ladies bags can fit into mine.

Will there ever be a day where garnet doesn't slap/pull hair/punch/kick me? As soon as i got there I must've looked quite the retard since it looked like some girl was beating me up. But meh, Thats how she greets me. Just gotta get used to that. It'll be quite painful though and Im starting to get quite the headache.

It was one of those shows where there were more people outside then in. But thats understandable at this venue since its pretty small. In fact most of the time Me and Ron were inside the bar we were just standing there looking for a chair.Decaying Labia would be playing around 3 so i decieded to head on over to my saturday night hangout from years ago, Skins Malate.

Almost nothing has changed. Still loads of scene kids hanging out on the streets getting drunk with loud music playing. This is where i spent most of my weekends, but I was with the lawton crew, A bunch of skaters that usually hangs around the city hall area. I couldnt find any there at first since i thought they havent moved from their spot right outside the liquer shop at the corner. A few minutes of rain on my head and Aron saw me and told me to head over there,where the gangsters used to hangout. It was now their spot since i guess the gangsters who always start fights packed their bags and left. Havent seen these guys for 3 years, and i only recognized Kris and Aron. Too many new faces for me to be comfortable with. Got their numbers and hung out for awhile. Funny thing is, Me and Ron wanted to see a fight, and a fight did happen. Between those scene kid ninjas and their own kind. Must have been over a girl or possibly whos hair looked better. No actual fist fight though, just a bunch of bottles bieng thrown, but plenty of bottles too. After the unsatisfying chaos ensues, me and ron have to wait awhile for the rain to stop so we can head back to the bar.

Was it me or was everyone else a little off today?The last time I went to that show the sound was great but this time mics kept going off and the bass was always just too weak. Just blame the weather.

So we stayed and watched Decaying Labia play since someone has a huge fan (Ron). I think it was the keyboardists first show and it really adds to the band.And was it just me or did alot of people go inside to watch them play? They must be getting pretty big.

Turns out theres no after party for mats birthday. So i thought. Matyus grandma told us so last week. So yeah, i did miss out on it but it wasnt even planned anyway so im cool with it. I just wanted to rest since i might get sick. on the way home though i get thirsty for a drink. Well, it turns out rons not a good hard drinker so sucks to be him.

I left the next day since i have visitors already at my place. Turns out they ran away from home dude to love life problems. Sweet, living with a couple now. But its cool since i know them both anyway. Hopefully they keep the PDA to a minimum. Whats cool about carlos girlfriend, is that shes got a lot of ghost stories and a really strong third eye. Will there be ghost stories appearing in this blog?

Ill be going back to the city another 2 times this month. This coming saturday is Septs bitchday! Ill be sure to go since apparently Im her big fat friend.And also happening this month in the city which is equally getting me very excitable, Ill be meeting with Aicha! That gal who drew me in many diffrent ways and styles. See one such drawing right now by looking at the bottom of this blogspot. Cant wait for it, but dont know where to have dinner too.

Look foward to it.

2007-08-24T15:55:00.000-07:00

Ill be going back to the city later with my family. Since the Gamecubes life is over i might as well Mod it and buy all the games i dont have for it. Also going to hang with some friends at a gig later and swing back a feer beers.

So nothing really exciting happend for the past few days. And if things go all well me and ron will be hitting bars over at olongapo to quell his raging teen harmones. Hopefully someone will have a digicam within this week.

Long Overdue

2007-08-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

It was really nice having a chat with her. Just knowing shes allright. That she grew up a bit. But shes still that same girl from 3 years ago. Just keep it up.

Twin

2007-08-08T13:34:00.000-07:00

You put out a cigarette in a tray after dumping a bunch of matches in it and what do you get? Well it pretty much looks like fun , seeing Chain reactions and that sound of a newly burnt match. That pretty much describes how the suburb life is working for me.

You put out a bad habit, you know its wrong for you, you swear its your last smoke and your quitting. You left all these matches in that tray that you bring with you everywhere in the house.You put out your cigarette, then everything in it burns until you have nothing left except for that Filter still white while everything is blackend with ash around.

I think im putting too much thought in this though. But still , it always brings me back to when me and him would talk about nothing and waste boxes of sticks on this stupid thing.

Funny how what we did before is a perfect description for whats happening now.

2007-07-21T12:52:00.000-07:00

Its officialy over.

Goodbye Jois.

Love,

Jay

In case your wondering, the lovelife ive shared with her is now dead. bear with me people as this may get a lil more melodramatic for the next few posts.

One more ride to the city

2007-07-12T13:55:00.000-07:00

Before whenever there would be a show my friends would be playing at , I would go to the city just to hang out with them and go home the next morning. I made a lot of friends just for doing that. A lot of people who i havent seen since i switched lifestyles and moved to olongapo. Some who ive forgotten but they remembered me. Some new ones and old smiles. It was such a long abscence.

And recently, I got to live that life again. To arrive on the day of the show just to watch. Except its a little diffrent, ill be sleeping at jepp and garnets place. and i wont be going home after the show, ill be at the city for 4 days. Hella fun i tell you.

The bus was empty when i got to the city. Surprisingly empty for a saturday afternoon. And not the least bit cold for that matter. Before i would pile up in a jacket and another shirt since bus rides were really cold. Like eight fans pointing at you cold. Was the bus business too expensive nowadays that they gotta cut back on the coldness, i wouldnt know, still, it brought me back.

Now im going to the city for 3 main reasons which are seeing that show that jepps playing in , buying a new pair of earphones for my iPod and hanging out with the people who i promised to hang out with. Hey it gives me a good enough reason to get away from the shit happening "There". and when i got back from the city last time, nothing changed except for another issue opening up and a threat to have me beaten up. Id rather not go into detail with that over the internetz since that group is stalking my blog since they have nothing else better to keep them entertained , except for sticking their noses in my own business.

Well, to pick me up was supposed to be jepp and garnet but jeps got class and garnet just got from working the night shift. So that day would have me greeted with Khat Bebang and this new face , Francis, Dying Labias new guitarist. You know the weird feeling you get when your across the street and the people who your supposed to meet dont even notice you? yeah welcome to that. I've missed those 2 , Throw up girl and Mama Khat. What i dont miss is Khats emo texts though. Wish that whatever shit shes into , wont bring her down too much. But she wont go emo in my face since she promised not to. Thats good enough for me. Chowking is great BTW, can never get enough of that for some reason. Until jep and garnet show me something else to tickle my tastes buds a few days later.

Robinsons Malate. Yeah i've had some memories here too. Hanging out with my Informatics classmates jed and avi here, Meeting Tobal straight from cebu, Buying Mageknight and magic the gathering and heroclix.Now its me and the three walking around the mall, looking for bebangs wipes to clean up her feet. This is why im not really comfy with flip flops especially when its rainy in the city. That place where i used to buy my geek stuff is gone now though, to my dissapointment but at least i got to buy 3 boxes of strawberry and cream Samba. If you havent tried it yet, you must. For a box worth 28 pesos, you get , according to everyone else , some great chocolate. When people first taste these things they usually ask where i buy these things. Seriously, its that good.

Hey i remember this bar, ive been here before but now its got a major makeover. The stage is placed at a more sensible place, more tables and mirrors and a better color overall. first person to greet me is RekRek, also known before as Gloomy Jack and to my surprise, he still remembers me. Gahd. And vincent the bunny too. My Memory is so horrible. Or maybe i easily forgot since i couldnt really talk to them since before my tagalog was so shitty i just shut up most of the time. But now i can really talk to them as rek rek says. Gerard is there too and ivan , who like most of the people from before have gotten really taller ive noticed. They all remember me. And its also gerards bday today.

Later on in the night, the place gets packed. i mean, You know how in most shows like these, all the kids are downstairs and stuff? Well this one, Nobody was downstairs as in nobody. Now this is how its supposed to be like. Smoke everywhere and people yelling stupid things over the noise and having to push through a crowd to get to the bathroom.Thats how its supposed to be done so kudos to whatever made everyone go upstairs.Oh yeah, before i forget, there was someone who ive never met that recognized me instantly, andrea from Nonsens. Never really knew the guy except that hes Mais ex and he plays in a band. Im surprised he knew me since ive never shown up online since a long time ago. a really long time ago. Maybe i have this trademark image that i dont know i have. Oh, Sept comes in with some guy named bry who looks like some scene kid, but later on for some reason i forgot, we started talking, thing it started with my god of war shirt, then we talked about dota, supreme commander, quake 3 , now tv and final fantasy. for almost 20 minutes i am geeking out with this stranger and its awesome.

I hand out a box of samba to whoevers at the table and september maybe out of hate of me threw her piece in the icebox. I dont know why but oh well. I hate you too september.Thing about my phone, it has no vibrate, and mariah called 8 times and sent 11 messages. Let the F-bombs Drop. But apparently, she wouldnt take long, she lives really close, as in 10 minutes close. she got off that taxi and her legs showing so much i got nervous. And everyone must've been "why the fuck is she happening with that fucker" when mariah ignored everyone else except for me. Even jepp and garnet got speechless when she showed up.So at the table we talked about alot of things, like how olongapo is, her blog and mine, shes auditioning for myx,and soon i noticed that no ones left at the table. its funny and annoying how people react to her, since shes got the obviously a foreigner look on her. even her 2 other model friends show up, the guy bieng red funny and to prove how good samba is, i opened a box for mariah and both her friends love it.they wanted to buy a box right at that moment. its the end of the night and everyones going to mats place to drink. But me garn and jepp pass. We need some sleep and the suns already up.Crap, forgot my jacket with bebang.

On sunday were going to Mall of asia. Thisll make this the 3rd time ive been there. Not really a fan of the place though. i dont know why, but it just doesnt click with me. Well go after we see Transformers though! And man what a movie it is. although most of the time the camera goes super duper up close where its hard to see the action, and the transformers felt like supporting characters. The commute to MOA was really pretty, when you get near the mall thats when you see how pretty the city at night can be.

For the people who say that Tokyo Tokyo is the absolute best japanese fast food place, go check the condition of the place at MOA. the soup was terrible, the tonkatsu wasnt good and the rice was way too sticky. Very Very dissapointing seeing that this is my sisters fave place to eat. note that we bought the same exact things from the time we were in market market. We didnt buy the earphones since it was 800 pesos, a little above my price range. oh well. After Moa we decieded to hit baywalk for awhile. for a sunday night, theres no life. I heard that the new mayor took out all the bars and stuff. So we head off to malate skins, where we all used to hang out before. but as expected seeing that the kids who hang out here are still in highschool , no ones there. peace and quiet with cheap beer. You know, im curious about those asian resturants lined up everywhere. Are they better then the ones in the mall?is there are home feel to it? are there yakuza hanging around? Next time i go to the city, were checking those super underground no name resturants out. Time to go home. Well, the 2 are, im gonna have a drink with matyu and sleep at his place.

The next day, i think i slept most of the day.I forgot. But i do remember that we went to SM something something near jepps place to check out if they got some decent earphones. oh and ive been introduced to Karate kid. If you got a craving for japanese food, just go to karate kid. At the times we went to tokyo tokyo, 550 pesos worth of stuff there wasnt enoug for the three of us. At karate kid, we spent 450, had unlimited iced tea and six pieces of sashimi and six pieces of cali maki. im telling you, you MUST go to karate kid. Bonus to the people checking out that mall *ill name it soon once i find out which SM it is* when you go out to theres this Stall that sells some really good Calamares, i think one of the best the city has to offer.Seriously, i spent 70 pesos on the squid there. its really good. We see ivan while were munching and we head on over to his place. Got to muck around with his emulator and saw Survival kids. I read about it in tips and tricks way before and thought it was intresting. And its pretty fun where you play as a 10 year old stranded on a uncharted island. really fun to eating whatever you see. I never knew there was half raw chicharon that you can buy and cook at home. ive seen the prawn cracker variety but this was like whaaaaat? No drinking tonight for me, im pretty full and i got a date with Bilog the next day.

and i didnt get any sleep.Were going to pampanga to pick up her stuff from her ex. She went to jepps place early and we were awake early anyway.She showed up in uniform. You know, i was expecting her to show up in her scene outfit because im curious what her scene outfit is.ive only seen pictures though. I havent really been to pampanga except that one time when we had a gig there so yeah. it was pretty much a get in get out mission. coz thats all we did. no sight seeing no food stops. Nothing, just got her mp3 player and left. Later went to khats place ,shes neighbors with jepp to hang out and chill. The Calamares and Isaw craving is burning again, but it was only 3 oclock. So i decieded to take a nap. Which i didnt since i was up just texting everyone else. oh yeah, this is my last day in the city so me jepp and garnet are making one last trip to SM to look for earphones. The ones we saw at MOA? 400 pesos less over at SM. Damn rip! and we go to karate kid and just like the night before, it was awesome. Go There!I also tried getting a plushie in one of those crane machine games. And i tried Dino Kind since im a sucker for card collect games. Man. Almost time to go home.Gotta check the supermarket to see if they got what ive been looking for.I was telling Khat about Cherry Coke, i promised her id get her a can. And i found some! for 16 pesos! i buy 4! and 2 big bags of E-aji chip and dip. Ugh i hate that, the chip is horrible and the dip isnt enough. But they like it so oh well. We go home, wait, first we have some calamares, THEN we go home but drop by at matyus place for awhile. Oh, everyone except gerard, bri , khat bebang, and bilog are there. I think Mat called them all since im leaving, or maybe thats why i think theyre there since im vain, so were gonna drink before i board that damn bus. Vincent, damn you and all of your bangbus jokes.I still cant belive that while i was out in olongapo trying to be a rockstar there, My friends who i almost forgot still remember me after all this time. Im still in awe over how funny "life" (TM) works. next time ill be in the city is next month. And ill be having a job by that time and busy with my band. But i promise that ill be visiting the city much more often. Alot of people want me to move there, but ive got my band at olongapo and were getting pretty serious. We head on over to jepps place t get my things and so garnet can sleep. stop by at mats place where its us boys finishing the drinks. and later on, they walk me to my ride.All of them. Just like before. Jep takes me to the terminal, gives a heartfelt goodbye as i board the 3 am bus to my home at bataan.

Ill miss you all guys. And ill visit more often. Thanks for the time and memories and opening up past memories and to the new faces. I lay at the very back of the bus, sprawled across all 5 seats like it was my own couch just like what i always did, messing around with the new earphones i bought, reading the reciepts and passing i out a GM im sure you guys got. I may have forgotten you guys before but You guys have stuck with me when i had no one back home. Im never forgetting you guys again.

Sad part is , the aircons are all pointing in the back and i am freezing. And when i got home, i slept on the couch with my hoodie on and a jacket with a craving for calamares and isaw again. Yeah, the city. Still left me yearning for more.

To the people over there in the city

2007-07-11T11:56:00.000-07:00

I love you all.

Seriously.

City Life!

2007-06-23T12:00:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday jay!

And what a birthday it was. Man did i have a great time!

Slash Sarcasm.

Didnt have anyone to hang with and no one greeted me.

Except for the people who ive just met and met again over there at manila. That was rad. Ive been planning to hang at the city for awhile now since i need a break from all the shit olongapos been putting me thru. If you dont know whats happend, i lost terribly even though i know i shoulda won. Ganging up on the new kid since he doesnt know anybody. freaking awesome aint it?

Gah, and right after my birthday I get this fever with a killer sore in my mouth. At the very back of my mouth making eating , drinking , breathing and living much more difficult.

So yeah, these past few weeks, have been taking a toll on me. people have said i lost a lot of weight, and i got really light since i dont go out anymore. last time i went out i almost got into a stupid fist fight with some drunk scene kid. kuya bhoy told him to stop though. sheesh, people there just want you to say yes to everything they have to say. they wont take no or maybe for an answer. i dont know if i should tell kuya bhoy about his actions though. ive been thinking but where would that lead. I really dont want to go back to that town. Mariahs also been pushing me not to go back there, along with some other people from the city. Yeah, but thats where my band is. Yeah stupid reason why i should stay but rapi and russel just got their spark reignited and i dont want to let that go to waste. So yeah, after a few months, if nothing still happens, then i hope the city would welcome me.

Its weird after like, almost a year or more, there are people who still remember me in the city. when i was there i met new people, familiar faces and generally just hung out and still had a blast. Ok so i couldnt talk to camille, mouth was like shut completely but thats because i seriously wasnt ready for that. Thanks alot Jepp.

I remember back when i was at manila, how that one building in FEU was still under construction. When we got there to hang out across the street, i couldnt help but stare at it and think, has it been this long since ive been here? Yeah also giving myself away that im a lil country boy.Oh look what tall buildings you have.

So after that we headed over to jeps crib since thats where i would crash. i got used to the amount of people in olongapo, not too many but put enough in one place and you get a crowd. But over here, where ever you go theres a crowd. I thought i would get lost getting to the jeeps just following garnet and the others.Oh and Calamares! everywhere! for cheap! CALA-FUCKING-MARES VENDORS! I must buy but i was shy to just stop and since gimme. It all smelled damn tasty though. So yeah, Tondo, where jepps place was and apparently, Garnets too. Lazy bum that girl is. Havent seen a place like it since i got to olongapo.Also, this place seems awfully familiar, i had a feeling ive been there already, When Nino took me to his place when i got drunk at malate, i felt that Nino lived pretty close by to that place. Pretty much in the slums, but nice and homey. Im not choosey over where i sleep anyway. Ive slept on the floors of strangers homes and bus stations, this compared to that is a lot more safe and comfy.So what happend, when we first got there and laid my bag down, oh yeah, Flying saucers. If ever your in the tondo area, pick up one or 2 of these. I couldnt finish mine since i was still full from corporate junkfood but it tasted good. Kinda like an empanada if your a fan of that. Only Flying Saucers are made with love (TM) . Gawd Garnet would not shut up about my native tongue, which makes me use my native tongue more, which makes her punch me and me laugh and punch her back.so yeah, thats how me and Garnet would talk.All the time.

I think i brought up the thing about drinking empy that night. Yeah, what for? Celebration? or just to waste time. Matyu came in after awhile and recognized me right away. Thats a bud for you.Whatever, It was not my idea to have a double shot ALL the time. Double shot, 3 drinkers, no sleep, equals , well beverly hitting the canvas first. yeah threw she threw up right there. A First at jeps place! just like 5 people drinking at his place! Win! Then we all go outside, have a few shots and i start feeling the effects. Im a guy that wont hide the fact that yes i did throw up drinking. Just dont rub it in my face man. Pass out.

Wake up in 2 hours and not sleepy anymore. 2 hours of sleep? God. Anyway, beverly was next to me. in bed. jepp and garnet on floor, dogging me to grab her or whatever. Sick fucktards, though tempting i dont fall for their evil ways seeing that i dont know anything about the girl and for all i know she could be taken. Still it was funny that they wouldnt give up on telling me to put my leg around her when i already said NO. And eventually she awakens anyway. Then we start talking for a long time. a long long time it seems since now, jepps gotta go to class.

just me and garnet. Alone.

Fuck no!

Worst pick up line ever involves romanians and spartans. I love you *** for making that. Yeah thats what she told me and it is the most hillarious turn of events for the young spartan.Though yeah it sucks to be on the recieving end of a lead pipe uppercut, still i am going to wear my god of war tshirt next gig your playing at.

Over the course of a few hours, ive thought of a whole lot of ways to rub that pick up line in his face. but thatll have to hold since breakfast arrived courtesy of jepp. Calamares and fried wanton! Win! There isnt anything like this over at olongapo.Best tried on the street while still hot and freshly cooked. but dang these things rule. Now if memory serves me correctly i think all we did was just hang at the house then september (some pink haired ratty jeaned chick) came and stuff. We then went to 7-11 and bought , which i thought was well worth the 56 pesos, cheese ramen. ramen with cheese. Cheese flavored ramen. Ahh but wait! it comes with a foldable spork! How awesome is that!!! Damn worth it!

Well later in the night, when jepp got back from school , we decieded to go to the fort. Since i hear of many cool things in that place and Garnet works at a call center near there. The whole trip going there made me feel like a little country boy.Riding in a train, taking a taxi when the bus line couldnt make it, and seeing the lights of the forst before arriving, seemed all ripped out from some cheesy movie. and man , the Fort is a beautiful date spot. I never thought that places like that existed in the dirty metro of this country. I'd choose The Forst/Market Market over the Mall Of Asia anyday since at night, it looks so great. And a 4 story building of just Fully Booked. 4 freaking stories of books. But we would have to check that later since i can easily blow hours in there. we had to eat and take garny to work.

We had a bite to eat at Tokyo Tokyo, for the free unlimited rice and thats what popped up in my head when we really had to make a choice.We couldnt spot a taco bell in the immediate vicinity but Tokyo again was still good. it was fun telling garnet to try this and that and saying " oh wait, that has shrimp in it", freaking her out. Allergies. I am so proud im not allergie to any food. After taking garnet to work,we decieded to get home. Where on the way, some shop ripped off jep of 30 pesos just for load.Thanks a lot! And the bus home was great. Much more better than the 3 hour ride ones you get from the province to the city. with some war flick starring nicholas cage too.

then Jepp asks if i want to see bochic. We just passes her street. Damn you jepp and your 3 second decisions. I say yes. Since the whole day ive been trying to contact her to no avail. So there we are, off the bus, walking , and me a nervous wreck. I mean, Bochic, havent seen that gal in well over a year. Havent really talked to her in person since i couldnt really speak the language back then. So yeah. It seemed like a really long walk. And i remember how we would talk and everything would seem so innocent, until i found out what really happend in bochics head. i really felt bad after what jap told me, and everything pretty much fell into place. And before i knew it, we were at bochics place. I decieded to duck under the gate so she wont see me, but damn that girl got tall over the year so she saw me of course.

First things first, appologize for what you've unknowingly done to the poor girl. Then discuss everything thats been happening.she seemed like a big sister to me at the moment. Man, i really do miss her company. You dont find a lot of people like her in this country. and this place needs more bochics around.

So after around 2 hours, we part ways. And walking towards manila i realized, back then when me and holly used to bum around the city, and holly had a girlfriend who lives near la salle, her place was super super close to bochics place. this was around, a year and a half ago? Almost every night we would go to her place, and i couldve walked to bochics place. but i never knew where she lived. Dammit. It really broke my heart when we got out of her street and ended up in the convience store where i bought sun load to text bochic so long ago, only instead, headed in the opposite direction to go back to hollys place.The whole place was familiar to me.

we got back to jepps place and were greeted with Jepps relatives drinking outside. A nice and crazy fun buncha people. I tell you. you dont see alot of older guys like that around here.Apparently, sept and matyu have been looking for us to drink with them. but since ive been around, ive interuppted jepps sleeping habit , so we go to matyus place, and jepp goes to sleep. Septs already wasted anyway. damn skinny girl cant hold it. Me and Matyu talk about whats been happening in the scene lately on both sides, city and suburb. Its the first time me and mat are actually doing anything like this. When we first met years ago i saw him as the pretty crazy dude in the group. Ok so yeah he is , just didnt know he'd be more like the older brother of our group back then. And apprently we had THE group back then. People from far places would gather up and hang with us, people from laguna, pampanga, bataan , and we'd hang out at shows and get drunk. I was part of that until i had to move out of the city. but even when i was stuck in the lil country, i got to hang out from time to time. but since i got to olongapo, i pretty much abandoned my city life, and as matyu remembers, my online life, losing communication with almost everyone who showed that they will stick to you forever.

A lots happend since i dropped out of the city scene, new people showing up , old people breaking up , people having similar problems to me, people realizing how big of a dick theyve become, people wanting to give up on life and fixing themselves up. Ive really missed out on a lot of drama there. When you compare it to the people at olongapo, they havent changed a bit.not one bit. well Time to pack up, jepp looks pretty damn tired.

The next day , I think all we mostly did was just bum around at jeps place, me and bilog talked and garnet was sleeping the whole time and later in the night, we were supposed to be drinking with everyone else since i wanted to give everyone a drink before i got so that my bday could be celebrated early with them. But meh, nobody came. So it was just me and jep and matyu talking and drinking and munching on stuff. wish everyone else couldve made it. oh and bilog brought me some awesome pancit. Rawr love free stuff. and in the middle of the night. Sweet. We drank all the way till the sun came up. and i miss drinking like that. Its really fun to just sip and drinks while talking about stuff and shit.

well, like one girl once told me, all good things come to an end. A little later, we wake and see mat, and were on our way to jeps practice. Really small world we have because the place that they practice at, my old band used to practice at. really good memories. Oh and i got to meet the romanian and the steve clone. After practice i could feel that the end is coming of my stay in manila. Short lunch with mat and jep at KFC (Damn they ripped off McDos floats and put mashed potato in it!) and got the numbers of sept and, finally, after all this time, lace.Just as i was on the bus going out of the city, we got her number. its sad coz i didnt get to meet all the people i wanted to meet, but still, i got to meet a lot of new people who are awesome and met old friends again. I really liked this trip to the city. I really gotta do this again.

but i have to ride that bus back to reality

Love you all guys

2007-06-06T15:59:00.000-07:00

I pretty much learned that over here , if yo u have no one on your side, no one will of course back you up. Even though you know the truth , even though you know you are right, it still wont help when you up against half the town.So yeah, thats pretty much what happend a couple nights ago. They call me to go to one place i went and all my words just went through their ego filled heads. Fantastic. Now im going to cool off of my life for awhile.

Oh, and im getting a job at some call center pretty soon.Just so i can have a little extra income while rolly figures out if he still wants to play for us or not. And on the 9th , I will be moving to my sweet little apartment. Can't wait for that.

I just woke up and my Downloads at UTorrent are acting up. Plus my sister wants to use the computer. Pretty much sucks that im barely on my computer yet they still hog it when im here. All my brother and sister plays is Rangarok private server. Lame in my view but if they wanna go out and miss out on something better fine.I can't belive they uninstalled my guild wars just for this sorry excuse for an online game. blagh.

Anybody got Total Annihilation up? Ill be having that when Torrent says so.

So ciao, my sisters breathing down my neck for this computer. Stupid Aero

~ Her Space Holiday - Japanese Gum

HOME

2007-05-29T09:46:00.000-07:00

So i thought i would be staying at olongapo for just 3 days . I wasn't really informed of my band mates birthday coming up so i stayed alot longer then i would usually have. and that was a blast, and so was the 3 day high school gig that was such a laugh and the cosplay event at the mall of Asia and all the drama and whining and bitching and backstabbing and 12 year old girls telling parents about how my place is like. I tell you that has got to be the best part of this month.

To the people who found out about my blog, the people who aren't even supposed to be reading this and to the same people i am talking about in this post, I Am Not Your Mother. You can go home and eat there, you can go ahead and leave my home to go chill with someone else. I am not forcing you to stay at my place and i am not complaining about you leaving. But when you start saying to parents about how i didn't feed you and when you start telling people who aren't even involved in this whole mess about how its supposedly my fault that this and this happened , when you start lying to to everyone else about what happened here that's when you cross the line. But no , I'm not doing anything. Why waste my time telling people how your lying.What do you think i am? No my friend we are totally different. I'm not going to stoop down to your level. i already know what your doing and what your waiting for me to do.

But this is my page isn't it?

Imagine having a group of friends who you thought were the best you could find, imagine how you think that this group will last forever, imagine that the group your in is the envy of everyone in the town. Got the picture? now imagine that 70% percent of them was just hanging with you because you have things that they wont be getting in their near by future. Imagine that everyday you put them before yourself and once you stop giving the don't just bite your hand , they rip it out burn it and leave their shit all over it.

you see, in this country of 2 peso cigarette sticks and no legal drinking age, the more you have , the more friends you have. Take note the word friend is used loosely. You see if your awfully nice and like to share what you have then you ll have friends of course. They aren't your real friends though , they re just being nice to you since you gave them something. Nice to you so that they can get it again. once you invite them to your little circle that's when you ll see who's real or not. that's when you ll see who's gonna stay and who's just in it for the party. Ive seen it happen to the too nice girls who hang out with us. i cant believe it hap pend to me. i thought i was careful i thought this was solid. But as hinted by a certain little observer who asked me "Do they really help around?" all of what they showed me is complete bullshit. Guess that's how it works around here. and once you stop giving, they will stop hanging with you and start showing what they really think of you. or tell how much you've changed.

i have not changed and i know it. What probably "changed" was my reluctance to give out stuff and bring them places where they cant afford to go. If its because you guys cant go to my house anymore i direct your attention to my sister who said for me to just bring 2 friends since everyone else just go here for the food. Very observant yes. If you want to argue she will gladly go to where ever you are.Name the place and date and lets see how you ll talk to her. Which is why you guys aren't allowed at my place anymore. you go here when theres a party sometimes none at all and all you do is eat and play PS2 and hog the computer. this one especially goes out to the one who Told my brother to wait while he finishes his stupid myspace profile and to the one who opened up my families private folders. Folders which clearly had the names of my sisters mother and brother underneath the little icon. Folders which you shouldn't be looking at but did anyway. Did i ever open up your bag to see if threes any chocolate? no. And how dare you open my sisters folder then proceed to tell people whats in that folder. Just who do you think you are? well not like a third year high school drop out would understand any thing I'm typing here since its in English right?Not like i told my sister about that. I'm waiting for the big one.

Did you guys not like it when my cousins came and i didn't ask you guys to tag along? if you cant even speak to my sisters or brothers, what makes you think you have a chance talking with my cousins who's tagalog is very rusty.That's all you guys had to do to keep on the good side of my sister, just talk. have a conversation just talk about random junk. But apparently you guys were way too busy checking who's hot on myspace and narutard 3 or whatever on the playstation. Just show you actually know who lives in the house by talking and it couldve been OK. Not only that but telling all your other friends how much of a place this is? You make it sound way too good like some kind of dream getaway mansion which it is not. Which was supposed to be a hangout for a few select became everyones wish-to-go-to place.

Not only do you have to leave a mess and complain about it, but you also want to have my 2 friends out of the place too? By telling his parents about the apartment and past cases that are already forgiven and forgotten? and at the same time making me look bad too. Sorry but his parents know better. They know i am paying for the place and they know you could just scoot out that door peacefully. his father didn't take it kindly though. He was pretty pissed off that my friend was hanging out with that kind of company.If they really do want the parents involved lets see if they can talk to my own parents about this matter. Lets see how good and righteous they ll look like.

And since this whole things happened, they pretend in front of me like nothings going on. Like a bunch of high school girls , you showed yourself that your really just cheap cold hard plastic.Plastic fighting over this house which you have no right to complain about since I'm paying the rent and feeding your worthless mouths.Do you really think i wont find out about what you say and what you spread about me at your hangout?i may not know everything, but i know enough.Like i said , stop giving and you ll find out the truth from them.

This whole thing even goes back before i had my own place. Even in our little hangout on base, it was always me and jim paying for everything. then one day we decided to give them a little piece of our mind. we told them how we felt and that they are wrong and one guy has the balls to tell us that Money is not important in friendship.Which i agree is true. So why did you guys leave when i stopped giving? just what part of that sentence was true to you?

Just what did you guys give to me anyway? Think about what i gave to you. Remember that time you were walking around near my place and got stabbed? who brought you to the hospital and who payed the bills? remember bringing your little f-buddy without telling me, i let that slip by.you even had to bring your mindless fistfights inside my place.

We all know who's wrong and who's right here. and we all know if word gets out about this whole thing, you guys will be the one moving out of olongapo. Why you guys are making the first move and being aggressive? i have no idea. I have alot more to say, but im getting tired of talking about you guys.

IN OTHER NEWS :

Looks like i dont have to post up pictures of my little cosplay escapade. All you have to do is google up mangaholix cosplay and youll be shifted to various deviantart sites. The joys of the internets :D Although my shots are pretty terrible since it was a friends digicam, some of the shots were a blast since my friend always managed to get a hold of the weapon and weild it. We got there at around 11 am and i was already tired due to lack of sleep.

Oh wait, i am sleepy. ive been typing since 3 am all the way till 7 and im still online. Ill take a nap and be right back.

2007-05-18T15:02:00.000-07:00

Currently in a hurry to write this up.Everyone is up and my brother is looking for his belt, My mom teaching my Lil Sis how to navigate the airports. Yeah were going to be taking Elaine to the airport since she got lucky and landed a 3 week vacation in san diego. So to make things short, I found out what all the drama was about in the apartment from my lil sasquatch shinobi and last night was a gig with concrete sam at olongapo. I shall tell you all when i get back.

Later there is a cosplay convention happening in the mall of asia. Will Picture. Looking foward to "Class of L , Batch '07"

LAST OF THE PARTY

2007-05-13T08:50:00.000-07:00

If you noticed , most of my blog postings have been happening during a lot of celebrations. Town fiesta, Cousins visiting, Brothers Birthday and goodbye party. Well tonight in 5 minutes, Mother's Day will be over. Since Gie and Quiapo were still hanging at my house, My Mom invited them to tag along while we go out to eat at Max. Chicken there is so meh.This week has been just party party party food food food so we didnt eat that much. Still ill be taking the leftovers to my apartment so ill be well fed for a whole week. Alot of food actually since theres still all the party leftovers.

Im pretty burned out from all the tiring parties thats been happening.Id like to take a lil break right now to just play dragon quest 8 now.

2007-05-09T10:11:00.000-07:00

Crap. Jp went to cavite to work. That's our guitarist. I'd hate to replace him and I'd rather not. We have got to have the worst luck out there. We don't even have a steady drummer yet. Just done get why this has to happen to us. People say that the band has Olongapos better members. Well except me. I'm a turd on stage. But i really want to get this band thing up and going.

There goes that Negative thinking again. I was told awhile ago by a friend that i need to see help. Bah.Rather not go to a shrink or whoever.

As of 2 days ago, it was Fiesta time over here in this town. Take it from me, Never wake up at 4 in the afternoon when you gotta visit relatives and friends. Its just way too busy. And this years food was Meh everywhere. My 'lil Sisters friends came during that time. Me and Gieboy nicknamed 2 dudes (one of them was probably gay) Joe and Iggy since they look like said persons. Except they most likely know nothing about whatever scene they're trying to run with. Joe seemed gay too. Edcel, an old friend of mine at this town, told me how joe cant stand san miguel beers. Beggars can't be choosers right? Well he couldn't deal with it. To top it off they opened bottles and didn't drink it. So we had to finish it. What a waste of my sisters cash.

Oh, couldn't sleep before the festivities. Kinda. It went like this. Me , Quiapo and Gieboy were on the way to Rapis grandads place. Somewhere on the highway,Old school wooden house with a chicken area.It was around 1 am and rapi asked us to bring him a beer so he could sleep since hes getting way too creeped out watching the house by himself. While they talked about Deathnote (I dropped out of DN fan forums since discussions are 10 episodes old) Gieboys eyes kept shifting around and they said they can hear someone "pssting" them. Sorry rapi but we gotta go. Ok creepy part, when i unlocked the van and went inside the drivers side i noticed some handkerchief that wasn't there awhile ago on the side mirror. As in, it just appeared. Cue in everyone to go all bug eyed. Yeah it was creepy but kinda cool too. Hell no I'm keeping that thing near me. Gieboy told rapi to just go inside and sleep.Kinda makes me wonder if he did sleep after seeing that.

Jimboys flight got canceled since he couldn't get any pocket money. Apparently his dad got screwed over at the place where hes slaving off at. So it looks like we wont see him until October.

I really need to get my own digicam. really really want it bad.

Well , Can't think straight now. Messing around with my cousins games and Guitar Hero 2. So I'm going to go ahead and sign off.

2007-05-08T07:37:00.000-07:00

Aicha just gave me a sweet 'lil drawing of me. Putting this up as the picture.Though she prolly only drew it since im the only one online.

Will try to blog later.

2007-05-05T03:37:00.000-07:00

All this free time allows me to get ahold of something which i haven't been keeping up to date yet, Anime. Growing up in japan Its unavoidable Where we had satellite T.V. and 4 channels dedicated to anime. Heck, even Cartoon Network mixed in the flinstones with lamunae knight 40. of course in japan its normal , but over here having extensive knowledge regarding the latest episode of deathnote gets you popular. So far that's all the people here actually care about. Deathnote the anime.You ask someone what anime they're watching its Deathnote, ask them what else its naruto. ask them if they read the manga and even when they have Internet access they haven't DL'd any. Right now Deathnote just got into its 2ND arc, which left me ho hum and blah.I was suspecting everyone Else's reaction to be the same since their idol L bit the dust.yet the people who bought long sleeve white shirts, held their phones in his manner , ate nothing but sweets and sat like he sat still clinged on.Maybe they were hoping for a comeback? like some genetic project bringing him back to life? That would go against his morals though. I easily get sick of things when everyone talks about it. where its the only thing they want to discuss. ill still stick to deathnote till its done since it is a good watch but i wont be overly obsessed over it.

You know, check you Gintama EP. 25 on youtube. Speaking of Gintama, That's something ill pick up. Id like to see how this whole "invading aliens give modern technology to samurai era japan" will work out.Lucky Star is also something I'm watching. Its on its 4Th episode and its about 4 high school girls who have to stop the world from meeting its end, yet they don't know their powers yet.

I'm totally kidding about that.Really, from what Ive seen so far,its about nothing.Yeah the four high school girls just sit around, talk about how they eat cake and ask random questions and play video games. I'm really taking a liking to this since its a good break from the "you-break-vase-now-world-gets-destroyed-thanks-to-you" scenarios of these past few months. Its from the creator of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, another one of my faves.i love the 4 strip newspaper comics of yesterday.Garfield? Calvin and hobbes? great fun without having the penalty of not knowing whats happening if you missed one episode.

Also ill pick up something called Bartender since you know, drinking is good fun.Speaking of drinking last night i was at the club with my cousins. Let me tell you if you come to the province that is bataan and land somewhere in balanga, don't expect a night life.Take a clue when the jeeps stop running at a9 P.M. Well, we did hit one of the clubs called Razz. Like what you would expect, the music is horrible and the comedy band composed of the usual 4 gays using a guys voice for laughs.Eileen had a tequila sunrise and it was just blah. And why are the tables just kubo huts? Cheap laughs. And the sisig was horrible.

Now today, we were supposed to go and watch wowwowee. Must be a tradition for balikbayans to go see this show.i would have just stuck around outside and waited for the clubbing we were supposed to do. Unfortunately i didn't wake up. Also, they missed the show. Since they arrived i didn't get to really hang out with the cousins.They went to a private island that I mistakenly turned down. My cousin Darwin proposed to his girlfriend there. Damn and i missed out.

I really want to spend more time with them. Hopefully nothings going to be happening on the 8Th, since me and my friends have been tasked with picking up our friend from Washington.He got there on December and had too much of a hard time adjusting to life there, which is why hell just finish college here. Now Ive gotta find a new apartment just in case he becomes my permanent roommate which i doubt. Also Ive been thinking, if he moves in, then everyone else will be hanging out too. Everyone will be back just to hang with him.

Just wish it wont be like that. Its hard feeding 7 people everyday on a student budget when no one else has one.

SUPAIDA - MANU!!!!

2007-05-01T11:39:00.000-07:00

Yes I was there on opening day.I just had to since Ive always attended spidey events as soon as it opens.Except in this particular situation where the town only has one cinema to watch one of the bigger movies of the year.Yeah I'm talking about 4 P.M. theres still a killer line reaching all the way around the block.No way am i going out there at 2 in the blazing sun to wait for a seat in a movie house with , later i found out, no air con and not cold enough drinks.That's what my friends will do. Yeah i guess I'm a prick for waiting till the last minute to show up, wait in the ticket line for 10 minutes and scoot aside next to my friends who have been waiting. But hey, You just talk past spidey and what you think will happen for awhile and you get instant cool points.It was the first time Ive been in a theatre for awhile and my first time to watch something in olongapos Times Square. Again i shall mention no AC and Crap-O-Cola.Oh and I shouldn't forget the fact that our whole row of seats have some affinity to electricity.Those small buzzes ruin the mood no matter how you feel about it.Now i cant talk about the movie since i don't want to give away too many spoilers, but my biggest gripe is how venom wasn't so venom-like. Ok as most people will say who will just blurt whatever once they see a tiny clue, venom does show up.As to everyones excitement and that smart-ass behind me they all thought that venom showing up on the big screen was the coolest thing to happen this year. C'mon people, It was spidey with a a venom mask. No slobbering tongue, no grisly voice, no hulk like physique. It was just spidey wearing Venoms gawd damned teeth.

Now lets move on to some awesome Spidey Action!

Yes watching this murders my childhood dreams that spidey will never fail.But hell, its entertaining seeing how Spider-Man gets a freaking cool transforming robot to unleash on the Generic Boss Of Doom. Couldn't iron man get one of these too?

While I'm in this depressed state watching my favorite childhood hero in this robot, i should mention that Ms.Karen of A Fake Love Story shall be away from olongapo for a 2 week vacation in Cavite. She'll be very missed by not just me but by everyone else who knows her in olongapo. Just keep your Eye open for when she comes back from her Short stay.Shell be back in a few nights though you probably wont see her for awhile. (3-Hit Combo)

I must sign off now seeing that Ive come from a tiring day and that the 2nd batch of my cousins shall be arriving in the morning. i heard they're bringing top quality alcohol. Need my rest for that.

Thanks to the guys who waited at 1 P.M. and still saved me a spot in the line when i got there at 5. And thanks for not murdering me right there. Karen will be missed.

2007-04-29T10:21:00.000-07:00

Phew. Currently taking a break from the drinking.Its my Older Sisters B-day (Ate in Tagalog) and were having fun with the karaoke machine and the broken Tagalog my FOB cousin is using. yeah hes just part one of the 3 that's coming.hes sharing stories of how they get drunk at the bars over there at San Diego. i could be joining them when they go back to Cali.its been way too long since Ive been there and according to Drens stories, Ive missed out on a lot. My favorite story that hes told me so far is how our cousin Joyce has become pretty much the weirdo of the family. Apparently I'm normal (W00T!). When we were talking about her Dren asked his mom how better to describe her and all she said was "Oh shes different, yeah.". intriguing or just "oh my gawdz weird" ill find out when i get there. Wow just, Wow. So yeah, I'll update this thing this afternoon. Hopefully my new Template comes in by the time i log in again. Not unless you know something that feels like you've been listening to Explosions a little too much.Local people be proud, Red Horse is pretty much like other beer in the states!

2007-04-29T02:23:00.000-07:00

I've Decided to start typing up a blog for the sake of the people who are (surprisingly) curious about what i do when I'm off this computer.Yeah sorry i don't go online as much as i used to do but i have a habit of having 4 hour conversations on YM and i had to cut back on that. Currently I'm a little blank right now since its my sisters birthday and my cousin from San Diego just arrived yesterday but ill keep this updated whenever i feel like it.