STOP!

I went to work the other day at 3 AM. Did the same thing I was trained to do. Bathe 2 hours before I leave my apartment, Hang out for awhile with Benson and Onse, Leave while they fall asleep, Jaywalk to get to the bus on the other side of the road, Walk a little uphills to get to the office and get a station and click the buttons on the phone to log in and start taking in calls. However that one day was diffrent. It wasnt the fact that I couldnt give directions to the lost girl trying to get to Bulacan before I rode the bus nor was it that little distraction I had before I left the apartment.

My schedule was changed and it turns out my shift starts at 5 AM. So there I was, taking calls two hours before Im supposed to, Helping customers out with hardware failures and calling in the workforce to let them know that I do not want to take in calls two freaking hours before my shift. Paid overtime be damned, At that moment after I put down the phone, I couldve been doing 50 other things somewhere else. But there I was, Confused and sleepy and at the office taking in calls.

This job makes me lose track of time. Makes me forget what the day is and makes me wonder if I ran away for the right reasons. Yes run away. Run away from the people I know, Run away from the who matter and run away to pursue some abstract dream of doing something on my own. So I admit it. I ran away and I dont even know why.

It couldnt have been to meet new people since the people Ive met reminds me of the people Ive already known before. There is Max, one of the more awesome tech leads that always says something funny. There are people Ive met who remind me of what it was like being surrounded with people who can achieve whatever they want when they want to and have already achieved something that Ill never be able to have. There are the curious and there are the ones who will never understand how my head runs. There are the people who know how my head runs and laugh and cry when I bring up thoughts on anything I see. And there are the people who you thought you would be sticking with thin and through only ending with them never to talk to you again over some trivial matter. But I havent met somebody who carries the same passion as a certain boy I know whos willing to take shot after shot but still have the strength to pick up and go on. I havent met someone who will take the time to listen to my theory of the accidental death how we wont know about it. I havent met the people who matter here. Almost. Ive met a few so far. Maybe with just a little more prodding well be able to see if they will.

It couldnt be because I want to do something that matters since it seems that the things I do will never show up in the files. That someones already done it only better. Of course I knew it. Who would take a boy like me seriously. Who would believe the stories I tell of the time I was on the road. Who would be affected by what I have to say. I honestly dont know why people dont want to delve a little deeper in my head. Everytime I start talking Im interrupeted with a better story. Maybe I just dont have the grace and charm of the guy next to me that garners the attention of the audience in a split second. Maybe I am just that boring.

I dont have a nice bed yet. I have only bought 1 shirt. I dont have a fridge so I can have a cold beer at any moment. Almost all my clothes are in the laundry basket. I havent even slept in my own room yet. But I know this takes time but I dont know how long I can do this. All I know is that I want to stay here for as long as I can. Start small they say. But everytime I gain something important I always seem to lose it.

Sad night here. Havent slept yet and Im alone. At least I got a Net connection and My friend let me borrow his laptop.


I need a pick me up. Grill queen does that trick. Its the best BBQ in town. Damn marketing.