This was supposed to be finished but it will never be

Wrote this but did not finish it. Sometime during October of 2010. I read it and wonder what happened that day. It goes like this:


"I woke up to my favorite morning sky. Red and orange hues colored the canopy of the earth and stung my eyes just a little bit and the sun emitted a certain warmth like the cup of coffee I held in my hand. Half of that mug would be okay for me that day for I didn't need induced energy to continue on in full spirit. I was ready and excited for the events that would follow and I would see the people who I miss so badly. Days like this only happen once a year so I shall make the most of it and enjoy every second of it and remember it years to come. Good morning Jarrell. It is your day and your time to stand up and be proud of who you are and to be reminded that you are still alive even after the dog days and the moments when you couldn't take it anymore. This is your day. Take it in stride. Smile for the day. Actually, just smile. Not because it is your birthday, but because you are alive.

My clothes for the day sit neatly on my bed ready to be worn and I do the usual morning routines. Except I do it with a smile on my face that I can clearly see in the moist mirror reflection. I checked my phone to see texts messages coming from everybody I know, wishing me more days like this and wanting to see me. Not because, According to tradition, I have to be nice to them and make sure that they are full, But because they wish to feel my presence in person and to feel a warm glow. I am sorry for the moment because I cannot be with everybody I love all at once. But I will try as hard as I can to make sure that everyone around me who unselflessly thought of me would be treated to something more than the daily kindness that I give to them. No matter how small or high up there they are. Because that is who I am. An altruistic "You before me" kind of guy who smiles through the tough times when in the company of others, but is an open book to those that care to have an open heart. Ready to go out and see the world on a brighter day.

I give a tight hug to my mother and father who raised me and gave life to me before I step out the door and the car with some of my friends await me. With the destination set in mind to pick up the others waiting at the coffee shop we head off. One step towards the celebration. We all chatter and I even receive small gifts from the people with me in the car. No matter how small a token is be it a cigarette or a little shell they found on the shore, It means the world to me that I was thought of and remembered and I take it all in. Safekeeping it inside my bag, Tucked away gently so I will not lose it. And I never did as the day went on.

We reach the place where we spend lazy sundays at. A little coffee shop hidden away from the kind of people we hate that has no problems playing music that does not play on any radio station we know. A van also awaits outside and I wish that somehow we could get a vehicle that matches the size of this group that cannot fit inside one car. All of us together in one space for a road trip going to where rumors is the kind of place I would love to be at everyday. The day is planned out a little more and we drive once again. I have to place all the gifts I received next to me since it could not fit inside my bag anymore. It will be a long trip and with everyone filled with energy it will be a happy one. Chitter chatter about the girl next door, The newest video game that I'll love, How he dumped her, and excitement for a band from the states coming to this little humble country of ours. All this to the soundtrack of our favorite indie bands that only we know in this town. Every smile is real and to the beat of each others. Every heart in this van feels the other. And it all makes sense for a moment in this world that has none."



And then it ends there.
So I sat and stared at it for a while, trying to figure out what was going on at that time. October 21, 2010.
Nothing happened that day.
I was writing what would have been a great day. A great birthday apparently. A roadtrip with people who I love. I was writing it out of depression.
What gave it away was the line that says " I have to place all the gifts I received next to me since it could not fit inside my bag anymore."
Because that never happened and may never happen.