Today I felt down. I couldn't find a game to play and I couldn't find the will to talk to whoever she is on the phone. I spent the day in bed. It was an unproductive day today and that made me feel bad I guess.  I tried to find anything to keep me entertained but there was only the stream of Hercules Mode and his childhood stories of fake jumping and then getting real jumped that kept me entertained. Even for a little bit. I wanted to get a haircut though but I looked at myself and figured that I didn't need one yet.

Last night I felt like I don't ever want to be steady with another girl ever again. Pretty girls fear me. Meeting them wrecks me. With the standards that we have today, I don't fit in. I like them a lot though and I wish I could kiss whoever I can or be the one sought after. I'm weird though and none of those pretty girls have time to get into my head. No one ever seems to have the time to know other people these days. I told her that I think I want to spend a whole year of not having dates or crushes and pursuing them. It didn't matter, We barely know each other.

I hope I don't feel empty tomorrow. I have to finish that song. Maybe that's why I don't feel okay today. I haven't had my guitar for 2 days and ever since I started playing again, that's what I have been doing with any downtime that I have. Now that it's with Jimjo for the time being, I haven't dont much of anything. There's that Bass guitar though and I should be practicing on that instead. So why haven't I.

To be not in love with another girl seems like a daunting project. Is it? or is it just this feeling that I have. Maybe It's just today, Or maybe I need to do it to completely get better. I don't think there ever was a year where i was just completely by myself with no one wanting me in their arms and me wanting to be in someone elses arms.

Today I felt lonely. But I'm not sure why.