Well I celebrated it and it was great. Pizza from 2 different places and a slice of cake. Ron all the way. Stephen was great. Jerk joined when we bumped on the street. Rust came down.

In order to create, I must destroy myself. How do I destroy myself; who I have been burning, wrecking, starving, hating, loathing, killing, ruining, losing myself and whatever word describes the action of taking away lovers from my own self and all chances of being in the safety of a lovers arms and heart, a home. How do you burn ash. How can you erase a void. Where do you see, feel, a home that was torn down, with nothing left to have it called a home. How can you set yourself on fire when there is nothing left to burn. How do you delete nothing.

Does this mean that in order for me to create, I should love myself? Since the antithesis of hate is love? But how do you love something that has nothing of meaning and how can love exist in this shell from me when all my love was given away, stolen, broken and unheard.
It even kills me more. The thought where I know that there is nothing in me that can salvage warm thoughts to use on myself.